I think I understand what people mean when they say "misandry isn't real" - they mean it doesn't present material threats/consequences to life, limb, physical/emotional safety and health as misogyny does. That said, if women do actually feel hate in their heart for men, I'll *doggedly* defend their right to feel that until the very end.
I've always found it frustrating that conversations about men needing to cry too demand our attention when we’re grappling with femicide, sexual violence, and the systemic oppression of women. A teenage girl was literally murdered and set on fire by the man she was forcibly married to—yet I'm supposed to prioritize men’s struggles with emotional expression? No.
We don’t need to center men in our advocacy. The playing field is nowhere near level. Yes, patriarchy harms everyone, but feminism isn’t obligated to make men its focus too.
I’m a big fan but I am a feminist who wants men to be welcomed as feminists. Hating all men is not the answer. Giving the impression that we do, only hurts our cause. Of course women have a right to be angry! We have every right to express our anger about specific things, but I’d rather we not give the impression we hate all men. We aren’t the only ones harmed by toxic masculinity. Men are hurt too. Let’s encourage them to join our ranks.
But of course you make your own choice about your feminist brand. When it comes to atrocities against women, I stand firmly with you. But if you intend to give the impression that all men are to blame, that’s where we part company. Men have feelings too, and many are struggling. Why not be a movement for all of humanity?
I want to change my comment after reading Ayo of Feminist Inc’s post entitled “Hating Men Keeps Me Alive.” Ayo’s brave post changed my mind. I do not hate all men but I support Ayo’s feelings 100%. She opened my eyes to her reality that is different from mine. Her feelings are legitimate and I never want to discount the legitimacy of women who feel as she does.
My version of feminism is more pro-woman than anti-men but I can’t blame my sisters who believe differently.
As I reflect further, it seems unfair to give misandry the same power as misogyny because one hurts feelings while the other kills. Of course we’re entitled to hate those who harm us so grievously! Misandry becomes a way of shaming the victim and assuming a false equivalency. I understand that better now.
not to be basic but mlk said not to fight violence with violence bc it is as wasteful as oppression; women & enbys aren’t weakened by refusing to fight
"The truth is, men’s fear of misandry is disingenuous. Misandry is almost always only brought up to silence feminist criticism."
In the circles I travel, I see misandry brought up in the context of "why is the persuasive effort of changing men's minds about feminism hitting a road block." (In this context, the answer is: "weirdly, telling young men that they are shite is not winning them over.")
There's a universe between "the harms of these two things (misogeny and misandry) are really different" and "because the harms are different, the lesser impactful thing (misandry) is invalid."
I am sure there's some really crazy discourse out there that says "no the harms of misandry are just as bad or worse" and that's clearly nuts. But that doesn't make the opposite true.
All bigotry is wrong. It’s a sure guide that any opinion that dehumanises a group of people is going in the wrong direction. Simplicity is always tempting but it only adds to human misery. Wishing you peace in your heart and to all you love
Misandry has effects beyond hurt feelings. It can cause boys and men who have long accepted basic feminist principles to abandon them and join the rising tide of anti-feminism. This piece genuinely advocates a Boys vs. Girls view of the world, in which Girls (and hence feminism) will win because they enjoy a slim majority. We have left the realm of ideas and entered a world of pure fantasy.
Unfortunately, if your activism is rooted in the fact that women like and respect you, it’s not activism. Your feminism shouldn’t stop because a woman on Twitter exclaimed that she doesn’t trust men as a whole after going through a traumatic experience. If you look at how the world is hurting women and decide to turn a blind eye because your own feelings weren’t in the forefront, then you weren’t a feminist in the first place.
If there is no room within feminist theory for the idea that good men exist, and that men can be made better through feminism, then that means there is no reason any man could ever see feminism as something he could align himself with. There has to be a minimal difference between feminism and misandry, or it's just plain misandry. And the patriarchy will never be toppled by mere misandry, you need the help of male human beings.
Misogyny and sexism aren’t gonna be toppled with the help of men anyways. The oppressed will continue to free themselves while the privileged sit and watch. Misogyny kills women. Day and night, there are millions of women being killed/harmed due to incest, violence, trafficking, SA, government policies, etc. Misandry is a byproduct of ALL of that. If you cannot put your own personal ego aside and understand that women are lashing out in anger and frustration, then I’m afraid I can’t help you. Your feelings are not gonna come before our lives. Despite that, being educated on feminism is crucial. Feminism has always been rooted in the idea that women are equal to men in the name of wage, opportunity’s, privilege, and general equality. Misandry is (again) a byproduct product of these simple wishes not being taken seriously nor recognized.
I am not talking about my own feelings, look at what I wrote. I am not one of these hypothetical men who is abandoning feminist principles because the misandrists scared me away. I will always proclaim my support for feminism, I'm stuck in my ways like that. I agree with you on the horrible effects of misogyny, that's why I support feminism. I am talking about the macro effects of misandry on younger hearts and minds. Why strive to be a better man if no distinction is made between good and bad men? Because men are not going away. Feminism doesn't need men, but it's stuck with them. A better world built by feminism will still have men in it! It would be science fiction otherwise.
Paris you are so wonderful!! Every post of yours ive read is so inspiring🌸🌸🌺🪻🌞🌞🪷 i have the same thoughts as you but i never know how to organize them and then you come along🌚🌚you explain my own brain to me, thank you for your work!🪺
I think the worst thing misogyny does is making murdering women (usually after abuse) as so common we don't realize *90% of murders in the news are of women killed by men.
*if it's not that, it's close. There is a lot, is what I'm saying.
Also men threatening it is so common it's almost funny.
I heard someone say “misandry hurts men’s feelings, misogyny and the patriarchy kill women” and I’ve never thought about misandry the same after that.
“Men fear women will laugh at them, women fear men will kill them”
I think I understand what people mean when they say "misandry isn't real" - they mean it doesn't present material threats/consequences to life, limb, physical/emotional safety and health as misogyny does. That said, if women do actually feel hate in their heart for men, I'll *doggedly* defend their right to feel that until the very end.
Exactly
I've always found it frustrating that conversations about men needing to cry too demand our attention when we’re grappling with femicide, sexual violence, and the systemic oppression of women. A teenage girl was literally murdered and set on fire by the man she was forcibly married to—yet I'm supposed to prioritize men’s struggles with emotional expression? No.
We don’t need to center men in our advocacy. The playing field is nowhere near level. Yes, patriarchy harms everyone, but feminism isn’t obligated to make men its focus too.
I’m a big fan but I am a feminist who wants men to be welcomed as feminists. Hating all men is not the answer. Giving the impression that we do, only hurts our cause. Of course women have a right to be angry! We have every right to express our anger about specific things, but I’d rather we not give the impression we hate all men. We aren’t the only ones harmed by toxic masculinity. Men are hurt too. Let’s encourage them to join our ranks.
But of course you make your own choice about your feminist brand. When it comes to atrocities against women, I stand firmly with you. But if you intend to give the impression that all men are to blame, that’s where we part company. Men have feelings too, and many are struggling. Why not be a movement for all of humanity?
I want to change my comment after reading Ayo of Feminist Inc’s post entitled “Hating Men Keeps Me Alive.” Ayo’s brave post changed my mind. I do not hate all men but I support Ayo’s feelings 100%. She opened my eyes to her reality that is different from mine. Her feelings are legitimate and I never want to discount the legitimacy of women who feel as she does.
My version of feminism is more pro-woman than anti-men but I can’t blame my sisters who believe differently.
As I reflect further, it seems unfair to give misandry the same power as misogyny because one hurts feelings while the other kills. Of course we’re entitled to hate those who harm us so grievously! Misandry becomes a way of shaming the victim and assuming a false equivalency. I understand that better now.
I think that the worst thing patriarchy does to women is rape them and commit femicide while allowing their abusers to walk free. Great article!
not to be basic but mlk said not to fight violence with violence bc it is as wasteful as oppression; women & enbys aren’t weakened by refusing to fight
This is what I say! Women don't rape men, we don't kill them, we don't stalk them at night, we don't beat them. So where exactly is the hate?
Until women start reciprocating these actions, them we can have a talk (may, because I don't care) on misandry.
"The truth is, men’s fear of misandry is disingenuous. Misandry is almost always only brought up to silence feminist criticism."
In the circles I travel, I see misandry brought up in the context of "why is the persuasive effort of changing men's minds about feminism hitting a road block." (In this context, the answer is: "weirdly, telling young men that they are shite is not winning them over.")
There's a universe between "the harms of these two things (misogeny and misandry) are really different" and "because the harms are different, the lesser impactful thing (misandry) is invalid."
I am sure there's some really crazy discourse out there that says "no the harms of misandry are just as bad or worse" and that's clearly nuts. But that doesn't make the opposite true.
All bigotry is wrong. It’s a sure guide that any opinion that dehumanises a group of people is going in the wrong direction. Simplicity is always tempting but it only adds to human misery. Wishing you peace in your heart and to all you love
Misandry has effects beyond hurt feelings. It can cause boys and men who have long accepted basic feminist principles to abandon them and join the rising tide of anti-feminism. This piece genuinely advocates a Boys vs. Girls view of the world, in which Girls (and hence feminism) will win because they enjoy a slim majority. We have left the realm of ideas and entered a world of pure fantasy.
Unfortunately, if your activism is rooted in the fact that women like and respect you, it’s not activism. Your feminism shouldn’t stop because a woman on Twitter exclaimed that she doesn’t trust men as a whole after going through a traumatic experience. If you look at how the world is hurting women and decide to turn a blind eye because your own feelings weren’t in the forefront, then you weren’t a feminist in the first place.
If there is no room within feminist theory for the idea that good men exist, and that men can be made better through feminism, then that means there is no reason any man could ever see feminism as something he could align himself with. There has to be a minimal difference between feminism and misandry, or it's just plain misandry. And the patriarchy will never be toppled by mere misandry, you need the help of male human beings.
Misogyny and sexism aren’t gonna be toppled with the help of men anyways. The oppressed will continue to free themselves while the privileged sit and watch. Misogyny kills women. Day and night, there are millions of women being killed/harmed due to incest, violence, trafficking, SA, government policies, etc. Misandry is a byproduct of ALL of that. If you cannot put your own personal ego aside and understand that women are lashing out in anger and frustration, then I’m afraid I can’t help you. Your feelings are not gonna come before our lives. Despite that, being educated on feminism is crucial. Feminism has always been rooted in the idea that women are equal to men in the name of wage, opportunity’s, privilege, and general equality. Misandry is (again) a byproduct product of these simple wishes not being taken seriously nor recognized.
I am not talking about my own feelings, look at what I wrote. I am not one of these hypothetical men who is abandoning feminist principles because the misandrists scared me away. I will always proclaim my support for feminism, I'm stuck in my ways like that. I agree with you on the horrible effects of misogyny, that's why I support feminism. I am talking about the macro effects of misandry on younger hearts and minds. Why strive to be a better man if no distinction is made between good and bad men? Because men are not going away. Feminism doesn't need men, but it's stuck with them. A better world built by feminism will still have men in it! It would be science fiction otherwise.
Your posts always hit so hard!!! I love this
Is this how you want to make sure you can’t find a good man? Because this is how you make sure.
Paris you are so wonderful!! Every post of yours ive read is so inspiring🌸🌸🌺🪻🌞🌞🪷 i have the same thoughts as you but i never know how to organize them and then you come along🌚🌚you explain my own brain to me, thank you for your work!🪺
Written like a true feminist 🩷💪
I think the worst thing misogyny does is making murdering women (usually after abuse) as so common we don't realize *90% of murders in the news are of women killed by men.
*if it's not that, it's close. There is a lot, is what I'm saying.
Also men threatening it is so common it's almost funny.
i love when you come on my feed each time paris 🤍