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R. Santos's avatar

read the subtitle and immediately reposted. its so exhausting this whole “hating men is centering men” because some of them are literally KILLING US only because we exist. how am i supposed not to hate them? it just seems like a huge effort for making women feel like they’re evil and monsters only for being angry when we DO HAVE the right to be angry.

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Rugi 🌹's avatar

This needed to be said 👍

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alwa's avatar

you demonstrating how decentering and hating men is a way of breaking free from your entire life revolving around men and simultaneously being angry at men as a survival mechanism due to the way women are treated by men is incredibly eye opening. women don’t want to have to think about men but have to in order to be safe, hence the reason men are hated!

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Celeste's avatar

Perfectly said. I had a conversation with my friend where I was expressing my anger towards men and she told me I’m “letting them control my life” she said that in response to me being harassed by a male college and it sent me spiralling thinking that it’s my fault for letting him get to me. It’s comforting to hear my anger get validated as something real and not just an obsession with hating men. And more women should indeed focus their anger on men, in my experience and what i’ve seen in the women around me it’s only ever invalidated and therefore suppressed.

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aaronnn (they/he)'s avatar

i’m so sorry this happened to you. it seems like victim blaming at that point! you are very valid in your anger towards that situation.

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Celeste's avatar

Thank you! it really means a lot to hear that.

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andrea 💫🍯's avatar

thats an awful thing for your friend to say!! and I’m sorry to hear that 🫂

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Celeste's avatar

I appreciate that

🫂

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Barnaby's avatar

“You must perform some level of not thinking about men but talking about them enough to show that you’re not thinking about them.” - something very insidious about the daftness that is demanded of women, the not-thinking-ness,, sometimes men need to be centred for a moment to hold them accountable, to call them out when they act in a way to uphold the patriarchy ! We can’t discuss male violence and the oppression of women while keeping its main perpetrators only in our periphery — totally agree with you here. Being savvy (although it’s so fucked that ‘being savvy’ is often the only - very flawed — antidote offered by the patriarchy in survival) is by no means allowing men to dominate your every thought. There’s always space for female rage in my house.

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Altar in the Margins's avatar

I would like to bring clarity here and state that ‎Anger and hate are two different emotions and are often confused or intertwined.

‎Anger is temporary, often an instinctive response to perceived injustice, hurt, frustration, or threat. Its function is protective and can be a healthy signal that boundaries have been crossed or something needs to change.

‎Hate tends to be a long-term, persistent emotional state, often rooted in fear, pain, or indoctrination. Hate involves dehumanization, resentment, and usually leads to cycles of harm and division.

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Kuhle 🤍's avatar

As a women under the patriarchy, as a victim of the patriarchy, I have every right to hate my oppressor. How can I not hate them where in every area of my life is controlled by men that see me as nothing but an object of their pleasure?There are men that have group chats , admitting how they grape and unalive women and children . There's baby dolls that cry and bruise when penetrated. I might not inherited my fair share of the assets I deserve as my father's child because I am a girl. So yes I do hate men. Always have and always will( if you're a women I'm not fighting you girlie🫶🏿)

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Hermaeus Mora's avatar

Decentering men in this case wouldn’t just be putting them above yourself and your needs, but constantly hating them and making everything about them. It’s a never ending loop regardless if it’s love or hate, it’s just as unproductive as calling out the “manhaters”.

Anger is a valid emotion to experience, but at some point you have to get past that and have some conducive conversations that’s not just focused on “hatred” of men and how they all suck. Feminism isn’t centered around that, and honestly this just promotes further division between the two genders when we don’t need that at all.

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aaronnn (they/he)'s avatar

completely love that you wrote about this,, especially when we take into consideration women and afab people who have experienced sa trauma at the hands of men. how could a person not be angry about that? the impact men have on women is violent and traumatic, anger is a necessary part of the grief process involved in that trauma they perpetuate. again, like you said, it’s healthy to feel those emotions. it’s also smart to take those experiences into consideration when interacting with men in real life to keep us safe.

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Juliana Landa's avatar

This is powerful and I agree with so much of it, especially the part about how women’s anger is constantly asked to be pretty or quiet or performative. That resonates hard.

I just want to gently push back on on this line: “Women are the only oppressed group that is not allowed to hate their oppressors.” I think that erases how anger gets policed across so many forms of marginalization. Black people, queer and trans people, immigrants—so many are told their anger is dangerous, irrational, or ungrateful. It’s not just women who are asked to swallow their rage, it’s anyone who’s expected to stay small in the face of power.

That said, I really appreciate this piece and the space it makes for women’s anger. It’s overdue.

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Neema's avatar

Beautiful beautiful read

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liz's avatar

Thank you!! Men oppress us for countless decades and then get upset when we criticise them on it. We just can't win!

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iris's avatar

Perfectly put

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Gladys Njamiu's avatar

👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾well put

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melissa's avatar

👏👏👏👏👏

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vandivagram's avatar

such an incredible take. i think it partially comes for the purification or filtration of women’s emotions that starts young. our emotions must be watered down and like you said we’ve been socialized to be “passive and agreeable”, which directly ties into a resistance of true emotion being put out and accepted in the world.

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Trinity Hinton's avatar

This was a beautiful article. What stuck out to me was the part you mentioned anger. I’m walking in my journey right now about anger being a healthy emotion to feel from. Im learning that its okay to he angry. I also love the capture of how as women we face a-lot of challenges when we talk about the topic of men.

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