Why virgins get called whores

“Whore” as the final boss of insults directed at women

Whenever I make a particularly spicy feminist post on TikTok or Instagram I will often receive an influx of men in my comment section belittling me because of the point I made. Best case scenario I am sent lengthy DMs detailing their opposing analysis of my opinion and giving me insight into their experience. These messages are still often riddled with misogyny and male supremacy but at the very least, they’re arguing with me about my point. Often, the worst case scenario ensues, this being a man skipping all of the thoughtful analysis, several paragraph response stuff, and deciding to go straight for an attack on my “body count,” frequently ending in them calling me a “whore.”

I’ve never spoken about my romantic life on the internet before. The men commenting this have no idea if I’ve hooked up with anyone, let alone how many. That’s because the point in calling me a “whore” is not supposed to be a reflection of my actual sexual history but a degradation of my womanhood.

Patriarchy has made it so that the best thing any woman can be is an asexual mother and housewife. Female sexuality is something that exists for men. Women do not have sexual agency, sex is something that is done to women, it’s something that taints her. To act out as a woman, either by being sexual, not having kids, not getting married or simply daring to have an opinion that opposes a mans is to fail as a woman.

Patriarchy only continues if the misbehaving woman does not become commonplace. Thus the need to demonize these qualities in women. Any woman acting out of line is called a “whore.”

In this system “whore” takes on an almost mystical quality. It’s a witch lurking in the corner of every girl's psyche. She’s the archetype most women fear becoming, we’re shown that “whores” are revolting and horrendous and completely ostracized from society. If you want love and acceptance you’ll behave, you won’t be a whore.

This is, obviously, a double standard. Men are not insulted for their sexuality. Men are given the freedom to become anything they’d like to be so they're insulted on the basis of falling short of success. This often manifests as a man getting made fun of for being broke. Men believe the world is theirs to conquer, the witch they have looming in their minds is the fear of being unsuccessful. Women are not also insulted on the basis of accomplishment because we are not meant to accomplish anything other than staying in the home.

Being a “whore” has nothing to do with your actual sexual activity and everything to do with your adherence to acceptable womanhood. “Whore” is a woman who has failed, it is the final boss of insults directed at women. You’re saying she’ll never get to live out the privilege of respectable marriage and motherhood reserved for women who keep themselves polite and submissive.

With this understanding “whore” is not something to fear. It’s our fear of it that gets us replicating patriarchal ideals. Be misbehaved. Be annoying. Be ugly and difficult to work with. Be a whore.