word! people always say they want authenticity and transparency online—but the moment someone posts themselves crying, it's called "too much" or "attention-seeking." crying is just as human as smiling 🩵
Reminds me of this: “One might simplify this by saying: men act and women appear. Men look at women. Women watch themselves being looked at. This determines not only most relations between men and women but also the relation of women to themselves. The surveyor of woman in herself is male: the surveyed female. Thus she turns herself into an object – and most particularly an object of vision: a sight.”from
This touched me so much. I had to in-between reading and take a breath. I literally read this outlook so I could truly feel the power and essence of your words. 🌸
I've often tried to hide any existence of my emotions for the exact reason of being told I'm dramatic or overreacting. It's created an inability for me to be vulnerable because I've often assumed that I have no right to feel the emotions I do in a world where everyone else has better reasons to cry.
It's funny too that I feel this way because even reflecting with my therapist on the last school year, I totaled my car, had a really bad work experience on my thesis project and the team I was working on it with, and then I got dumped.
Yet, when I express these emotions with family, I'm immediately shut down and asked why I feel the need to be that dramatic?
There's such an interesting intersectionality when it comes to feeling these emotions as a woman of color in a family where women are used to ignoring their emotions in favor of 'getting things done'. When you choose to express these feelings, you're told you're too much and there's no point in showing those emotions.
i'm learning that it's human to cry.
shit, maybe I SHOULD take a picture the next time I cry
Your way with words is so profound like it's literally a wake up call. I also had an all consuming feeling at the same time so shout out to synchronicity lol.
There's a Christmas school picture of me when I was 6 years old...I was teary-eyed holding a white Santa Claus feeling all sorts of emotions I could not name at the time.
Truth is I felt ashamed and ugly because my hair was short and I recall breaking out into tears just before my picture was taken causing the whole production to stop. What made me feel worse was that I was unable to ''keep it together" and i felt like i was now bothering people- so already I was conditioned to believe my pain is not worth being seen.
After refusing to be photographed in this state, I was give a Christmas hat to hide my hair so I would not feel embarrassed. What I find funny is that even after all that problem-solving I was still visibly crying in the photo.
But thanks to this essay I can say I'm glad that moment was captured in that way. I'm glad I cried at the most inconvenient time. At a time when I was supposed to say cheese and smile ear-to-ear. I'm redefining what that image represents to me. Instead of it being a reminder of how haunting beauty standards felt at the time, and still do from time to time, it's a reminder to stop trying cos all the effort counts for nothing if i still end up in pain(crying).
this being posted immediately after i finished crying and documenting it.. ur my socrates
the part about proving you can even feel emotion is so real because i feel as though i get lost in the emotions of others too.
word! people always say they want authenticity and transparency online—but the moment someone posts themselves crying, it's called "too much" or "attention-seeking." crying is just as human as smiling 🩵
omg yes, this made me think of the creator Rowanna
Reminds me of this: “One might simplify this by saying: men act and women appear. Men look at women. Women watch themselves being looked at. This determines not only most relations between men and women but also the relation of women to themselves. The surveyor of woman in herself is male: the surveyed female. Thus she turns herself into an object – and most particularly an object of vision: a sight.”from
Ways of Seeing
by John Berger
I was crying as I opened substack and saw it as my first recommendation
This touched me so much. I had to in-between reading and take a breath. I literally read this outlook so I could truly feel the power and essence of your words. 🌸
Wanted to take a pic of myself being overstimulated/crying today but thought it would be cringe. Thank you for this!
Girl I'm gagged. The thing is, I always look at myself when I cry and even though I'm extremely hurt, I just feel like I'm acting. That is insane.
I've often tried to hide any existence of my emotions for the exact reason of being told I'm dramatic or overreacting. It's created an inability for me to be vulnerable because I've often assumed that I have no right to feel the emotions I do in a world where everyone else has better reasons to cry.
It's funny too that I feel this way because even reflecting with my therapist on the last school year, I totaled my car, had a really bad work experience on my thesis project and the team I was working on it with, and then I got dumped.
Yet, when I express these emotions with family, I'm immediately shut down and asked why I feel the need to be that dramatic?
There's such an interesting intersectionality when it comes to feeling these emotions as a woman of color in a family where women are used to ignoring their emotions in favor of 'getting things done'. When you choose to express these feelings, you're told you're too much and there's no point in showing those emotions.
i'm learning that it's human to cry.
shit, maybe I SHOULD take a picture the next time I cry
Your way with words is so profound like it's literally a wake up call. I also had an all consuming feeling at the same time so shout out to synchronicity lol.
There's a Christmas school picture of me when I was 6 years old...I was teary-eyed holding a white Santa Claus feeling all sorts of emotions I could not name at the time.
Truth is I felt ashamed and ugly because my hair was short and I recall breaking out into tears just before my picture was taken causing the whole production to stop. What made me feel worse was that I was unable to ''keep it together" and i felt like i was now bothering people- so already I was conditioned to believe my pain is not worth being seen.
After refusing to be photographed in this state, I was give a Christmas hat to hide my hair so I would not feel embarrassed. What I find funny is that even after all that problem-solving I was still visibly crying in the photo.
But thanks to this essay I can say I'm glad that moment was captured in that way. I'm glad I cried at the most inconvenient time. At a time when I was supposed to say cheese and smile ear-to-ear. I'm redefining what that image represents to me. Instead of it being a reminder of how haunting beauty standards felt at the time, and still do from time to time, it's a reminder to stop trying cos all the effort counts for nothing if i still end up in pain(crying).
Aw! You look so beautiful even when u cry honey