when boobs become tits
Boobs were fun right up until I realized men could also see them
As a girl I was so excited to grow boobs. At some point I had noticed that all the women I loved—my sister and Selena Gomez—had them. I was sure fat on my chest was the only thing keeping me from also being perfect.
I dreamt of getting measured at a Victoria’s Secret. I saw myself happily learning my verdict: C cups. Demure and perfect. My first bra would be hot pink, courtesy of my mother. With that purchase my initiation into divine womanhood would be completed.
But this honeymoon phase with boobs was short lived, it ended precisely the moment I stepped out in my new bra, hot pink straps intentionally visible. I’d realize then that I wasn’t the only one noticing my new chest.
In a reader submission, Michele, a stay-at-home mom from Minnesota, describes exactly what made boobs no longer fun:
I grew boobs by 6th grade and they weren’t small. I had my dad telling me I couldn’t wear certain shirts and older boys telling me to flash them. It was always on my mind because it was always on men’s.
Boobs stopped being an exciting turning point into womanhood. They even stopped being just the natural byproduct of going through puberty. Boobs were tits. They were the part of the body men kept in their private browser. They were anything but a neutral part of the female form.
Growing tits meant gaining a secret. Tits marked you as a woman. They were a feast for male appetite. Girls were taught to hide their boobs, not only for safety from men, but to preserve their own dignity. Respectable girls denied the existence of their boobs, they maintained an asexual prepubescent state for as long as possible.
But even a woman’s best efforts to dismiss her boobs inevitably falls short.
At work if I wore a button up shirt it was ‘too sexy’ because it would show my figure… When I had kids, it was a huge thing about breastfeeding too. Having friends trying to breastfeed under blankets or covers and basically hiding themselves when it was such a natural thing to do was a really sad thing to watch. I had people stare.
There is no escaping what lays on your chest. This distortion of a natural body part into a solely sexual organ forces 51% of people to exist in a constant sexual fantasy.
Even more insidious is that boob growth often happens in adolescence. Girls can not conceptualize the perversion of the patriarchal males sexual appetite. All they know is that they have a body changing against their will and it’s leading to a type of attention they don’t want.
The most natural conclusion here becomes shame. Michele explains that she felt awkward and embarrassed as her boobs started to develop. What other feelings could she have wound up with? A world that taught her that her body was unclean and permitted the sexual entitlement of men could only ever promise her humiliation. It’s a type of shame that Michele has now made her mission to not allow her daughters to also feel.
Boobs are not tits. They are not there solely for sexual gratification. Women and girls should not be defiled for a body part they did not ask to grow. Allowing for a world where they feel safe begins with addressing male entitlement. We must tell men that no matter how fascinated by boobs they are—they do not exist for them.
I loved that piece.
I remember that when my boobs started growing, I was feeling ashamed of it because in my classroom it became a subject of discussion. From my teacher to my classmates. From using me as an example of a woman normal evolution (I guess) to someone asking what size of bra I was wearing... In 5th grade!
And as I was talking with a male friend of mine about feminism and society I realized that I was conditioned to see them as a kind of burden, they became tits for society. And you got to be aware of it 24/7. Are my nipples too visible? I cannot go out without my bra. Can I? Will I not disturb others? ... The day I started not to care about all of that I reclaimed my boobs.
As someone who grew boobs in primary school and who wasn’t taught how to care for them meaning I started wearing a bras very late I loved reading this. I used to walk in a certain position that to make my chest smaller😭😭😭. I hated sport classes because that meant I had to hold them while running or jumping and everyone stared at me.
Then I became an adult. I hate that we have to wear bras to hide or give a different shape to the boobs. I hate how capitalism profits of the woman’s body from head to toes. Bras are uncomfortable, expensive and they never fit well, at least for me.