You perfectly articulated exactly how I feel about currently gaining weight while recovering. Thank you so much for sharing🤍 This is extraordinarily poignant.
You are always beautiful. No matter the weight. It's your heart that shines through. As Florence Given has said your body is your vessel and is there for you to experience lifeeeeee. Let ir make you feel and gorge on the things that you love. I loved most about me my eyelashes but I suffered from trichotillomania and lost them and a monster looked back at me in the mirror. Now they will never be the same. I lost these beautiful eyelashes of mine. I regret it with my whole heart and cry about it but I cannot do anything. Or maybe I can. I am using serums and I do them as daily as possible. Maybe one day I will have thick and long and full eyelashes again. I just promised myself I won't go that path again of destroying myself. Maybe you need to watch The Whale. This movie helped me understand my addictiom with eating disorders. I used to stuff myself with food in thoughts I am rewards myself after long stresfull days. There was a month in my life I was eating only an apple in my day and starved myself. Hate that period too. I won't suffer again like that- having trouble even breathing like a normal person. That is so wrong. The truth is to not care and to accept yourself in all your forms and someone willll love you the way exactly you are but you also need too. You can do little dance breaks in your day- listen to music and exercise- I will be starting to do that because I want to exercise but also make it fun and it's healthy. You are not a bad woman if you are big or thin or short or tall. You are a good person who is having trouble with their thoughts that are being harmful. You can definitely change the home or even the whole city. I see you have dreams of big cities. Follow them. Change the scenery. I am also tired of seeing the same walls every single day. It depresses my vibrant soul. So I chamge it up with flowers, photos, decorations. Change is always good. Don't be afraid that you will feel the same. Move.
You’re not alone!! I know our bodies aren’t trends but I think it’s totally normal to feel terrible about weight gain, especially with the rise of ozempic and the reappearance of extreme thinness as beauty in the broader culture. Tbh I think Black women struggle the most with this because our bodies are already treated poorly, no matter where we lie on the scale.
I really hope you’re able to find some peace because bodies aren’t prisons, they are vessels that allow us to experience life. A scale can never tell you your value.
As a recovering anorexic and bulimic, I resonate with everything you wrote. My heart goes out to you because I recognise and see your pain and anguish.
I know it’s easy for me to say to others (not so easy for me to accept the advice I give), but you are NOT your weight. You are a beautiful soul, with an immense writing talent, a sensitive heart and fiercely intelligent mind. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you at all, and you are perfect as you are.
What is it that is causing you to connect your weight to your self esteem? This is more than just putting on a few pounds. What is this really about? I urge you to dig deep and try to find out what is really going on. It is the agonisingly painful route, but you need to get to the true source of it all.
For what it’s worth, here’s my story. I’m not assuming for one moment my experience is similar to yours, but if it is, I hope it helps.
My weight fluctuates madly. Because of all the years of starvation, purging and dysfunctional dieting, my metabolism means I put weight on quickly at the drop of a hat, much more so since menopause. It’s still hugely triggering for me when I put on weight and takes careful effort to keep my weight at a steady rate without spiralling.
I have always had a terrible relationship with food, since babyhood, but I also now realise that most of my eating disorders were caused by quite traumatic events throughout my childhood and adult life. Instead of being able to dig deep and go to the route of it all and discover what the eating disorders were masking, I used food as a protector for my unresolved trauma, to preoccupy most of my thoughts. As a way of avoiding acknowledging, thinking about or feeling the pain inside, I hyper focused on my weight instead. It worked to a certain degree, but as with unresolved and ignored issues, they can only be suppressed so long before they re emerge again.
I am not presuming your issues are the same as mine, but I feel there is something more here than just weight. I hope sharing might help even a little. Please reach out if you ever want to talk.
In the meantime, I would urge (beg!) you to exercise. If you don’t have the motivation, but have the funds, get a trainer who will turn up at your doorstep and get you out exercising. If not, try and find someone to meet up regularly with, even if for a fast paced walk, to keep yourselves accountable and committed to the exercise. It will be the biggest investment you can make to yourself. Nothing devours excess pounds like muscle. And get some trousers with an elastic waistband for the days when you absolutely don’t need to feel ashamed for just being a regular, perfect, beautiful being.
Thank you so much, this is so beautiful! I really try to source my confidence from other places. I don't want to allow my weight to be a defining factor in anyway. Thank you for your self esteem boost! I've been doing well for a while but a few recent events (including noticing a recent weight gain) has triggered me into the thoughts I shared. Thank you for your story. I've also notices my disordered eating connected to traumatic events. Growing up fat I definitely felt over-connected to food because it felt it might be soon taken away for whatever diet I would next be trying. I've been understanding again the value of movement. I walk daily mainly as a way to clear my mind. It's a hard habit to build but I always feel better when I do. Food issues are so tragic but so common. I'm wishing for the best for the both of us. Thanks again for sharing and being so genuine and kind. This kind of response warms my heart!
You are so very welcome. I wish the best for us too. ♥️ I am so sorry you experienced what sounds like a very tough time as a child. No doubt, the impact of what you went through still affects you greatly today.
Sending you some fierce, strong, dragon energy from North Wales. 🏴
I was thin for maybe a year and a half after a lifetime of being overweight and when I was small I didn’t feel like I had to worry about how I looked or what I ate, and now that I’ve gained the weight back the way I felt every year of my life before then has returned to me — this articulated all of how I feel about it and more
This just found me at a perfect time, I recently just gained weight and I’m having a really hard time accepting it and the line where you said that all your self love mantras were being put to test I really felt that! Thank you for sharing this, your writing is so fluid
"...start cross country running or move cross country." REALLL. Beautifully written once again!! Reminds me to stay awoke in the present and ask myself-- what REALLY am I running from?
This literally found me at just the right moment. Thank you so much.
thank you! I'm glad to hear that
this resonates so so deeply. beautifully written
thank you!
Again I come across my own feeling expressed beautifully in someone’s written art. Thank you!
thank you!
You perfectly articulated exactly how I feel about currently gaining weight while recovering. Thank you so much for sharing🤍 This is extraordinarily poignant.
Thank you so much! I’m wishing you well 💞
Wow
I feel this in my soul, right down to the desire to move to a big city
❤️🔥❤️🔥❤️🔥❤️🔥❤️🔥❤️🔥❤️🔥🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂
You are always beautiful. No matter the weight. It's your heart that shines through. As Florence Given has said your body is your vessel and is there for you to experience lifeeeeee. Let ir make you feel and gorge on the things that you love. I loved most about me my eyelashes but I suffered from trichotillomania and lost them and a monster looked back at me in the mirror. Now they will never be the same. I lost these beautiful eyelashes of mine. I regret it with my whole heart and cry about it but I cannot do anything. Or maybe I can. I am using serums and I do them as daily as possible. Maybe one day I will have thick and long and full eyelashes again. I just promised myself I won't go that path again of destroying myself. Maybe you need to watch The Whale. This movie helped me understand my addictiom with eating disorders. I used to stuff myself with food in thoughts I am rewards myself after long stresfull days. There was a month in my life I was eating only an apple in my day and starved myself. Hate that period too. I won't suffer again like that- having trouble even breathing like a normal person. That is so wrong. The truth is to not care and to accept yourself in all your forms and someone willll love you the way exactly you are but you also need too. You can do little dance breaks in your day- listen to music and exercise- I will be starting to do that because I want to exercise but also make it fun and it's healthy. You are not a bad woman if you are big or thin or short or tall. You are a good person who is having trouble with their thoughts that are being harmful. You can definitely change the home or even the whole city. I see you have dreams of big cities. Follow them. Change the scenery. I am also tired of seeing the same walls every single day. It depresses my vibrant soul. So I chamge it up with flowers, photos, decorations. Change is always good. Don't be afraid that you will feel the same. Move.
Thank you for such a kind, empathetic response to Paris. I resonated strongly with all you wrote too.
You’re not alone!! I know our bodies aren’t trends but I think it’s totally normal to feel terrible about weight gain, especially with the rise of ozempic and the reappearance of extreme thinness as beauty in the broader culture. Tbh I think Black women struggle the most with this because our bodies are already treated poorly, no matter where we lie on the scale.
I really hope you’re able to find some peace because bodies aren’t prisons, they are vessels that allow us to experience life. A scale can never tell you your value.
As a recovering anorexic and bulimic, I resonate with everything you wrote. My heart goes out to you because I recognise and see your pain and anguish.
I know it’s easy for me to say to others (not so easy for me to accept the advice I give), but you are NOT your weight. You are a beautiful soul, with an immense writing talent, a sensitive heart and fiercely intelligent mind. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you at all, and you are perfect as you are.
What is it that is causing you to connect your weight to your self esteem? This is more than just putting on a few pounds. What is this really about? I urge you to dig deep and try to find out what is really going on. It is the agonisingly painful route, but you need to get to the true source of it all.
For what it’s worth, here’s my story. I’m not assuming for one moment my experience is similar to yours, but if it is, I hope it helps.
My weight fluctuates madly. Because of all the years of starvation, purging and dysfunctional dieting, my metabolism means I put weight on quickly at the drop of a hat, much more so since menopause. It’s still hugely triggering for me when I put on weight and takes careful effort to keep my weight at a steady rate without spiralling.
I have always had a terrible relationship with food, since babyhood, but I also now realise that most of my eating disorders were caused by quite traumatic events throughout my childhood and adult life. Instead of being able to dig deep and go to the route of it all and discover what the eating disorders were masking, I used food as a protector for my unresolved trauma, to preoccupy most of my thoughts. As a way of avoiding acknowledging, thinking about or feeling the pain inside, I hyper focused on my weight instead. It worked to a certain degree, but as with unresolved and ignored issues, they can only be suppressed so long before they re emerge again.
I am not presuming your issues are the same as mine, but I feel there is something more here than just weight. I hope sharing might help even a little. Please reach out if you ever want to talk.
In the meantime, I would urge (beg!) you to exercise. If you don’t have the motivation, but have the funds, get a trainer who will turn up at your doorstep and get you out exercising. If not, try and find someone to meet up regularly with, even if for a fast paced walk, to keep yourselves accountable and committed to the exercise. It will be the biggest investment you can make to yourself. Nothing devours excess pounds like muscle. And get some trousers with an elastic waistband for the days when you absolutely don’t need to feel ashamed for just being a regular, perfect, beautiful being.
Thank you so much, this is so beautiful! I really try to source my confidence from other places. I don't want to allow my weight to be a defining factor in anyway. Thank you for your self esteem boost! I've been doing well for a while but a few recent events (including noticing a recent weight gain) has triggered me into the thoughts I shared. Thank you for your story. I've also notices my disordered eating connected to traumatic events. Growing up fat I definitely felt over-connected to food because it felt it might be soon taken away for whatever diet I would next be trying. I've been understanding again the value of movement. I walk daily mainly as a way to clear my mind. It's a hard habit to build but I always feel better when I do. Food issues are so tragic but so common. I'm wishing for the best for the both of us. Thanks again for sharing and being so genuine and kind. This kind of response warms my heart!
You are so very welcome. I wish the best for us too. ♥️ I am so sorry you experienced what sounds like a very tough time as a child. No doubt, the impact of what you went through still affects you greatly today.
Sending you some fierce, strong, dragon energy from North Wales. 🏴
Thank you so much for sharing this 🩵
thank you!
I was thin for maybe a year and a half after a lifetime of being overweight and when I was small I didn’t feel like I had to worry about how I looked or what I ate, and now that I’ve gained the weight back the way I felt every year of my life before then has returned to me — this articulated all of how I feel about it and more
This just found me at a perfect time, I recently just gained weight and I’m having a really hard time accepting it and the line where you said that all your self love mantras were being put to test I really felt that! Thank you for sharing this, your writing is so fluid
Reading and rereading and rereading. Woof. Thank you.
"...start cross country running or move cross country." REALLL. Beautifully written once again!! Reminds me to stay awoke in the present and ask myself-- what REALLY am I running from?
"Fat is just fuel to burn" Muhammad Ali. I'm up from my fighting weight too. The only thing that matters is how you feel about it.
I cannot understand how this piece is so spot on. That I have said the same things...thought the same things..my God. Thank you 🙏🏿