love your writing but genuinely have to disagree with this article. the blame isn’t porn its a lack of comprehensive sex education on both ends. by pitting the blame on porn you inadvertently blame the women in the industry. children of 12 are developing sexuality they don’t lack it, because of a lack of knowledge they turn to porn. idk if you realize but this subtext of this article reads as puritanism because you’re denying women and children their sexuality and explorations of it. ppl can like kinky and freaky things independent of porn, the issue isn’t wanting to be choked or whipped it’s the fact that ppl don’t know enough about their own bodies, safe sex and the changing nature of consent. scapegoating porn doesn’t fix the problem it only furthers patriarchy i fearr
I fear you are not emotionally or mentally ready to understand that porn IS patriarchy. The blame is not on the women in the industry. The blame is on the industry as an entity. These extreme and violent narratives played out in porn have very real consequences in the real world. (From an ex SW before you try to tell me I don’t know what I’m talking about.) Have a nice day.
In accepting that women can enjoy being choked or whipped, you also accept that women are naturally or innately submissive and masochistic. No, no woman would enjoy these things without porn OR without patriarchal pressure. It is not a “natural” exploration of sexuality & it is not puritanical to not accept violence against women.
don’t jump to conclusions or put words in my mouth. i never once accepted that women are innately submissive/masochist. actually you drew such a conclusion because you view sex purely from a patriarchal standpoint of domination. i said women can enjoy being choked or whipped because women are multi-faceted human beings who can enjoy a variety of experiences. men also enjoy being choked and whipped yet ur not saying they’re innately submissive. people’s sexual inclinations do not represent them wholly. by drawing a clear boundary and saying NO woman enjoys that, you alienate the women who do. because deny as you might, these women still exist. just because you as a woman do not enjoy these things does not make your opinion, because that’s what it is ,automatically factual. porn in the modern sense hasn’t existed for as long as the human sexual experience has. to tell women they can only enjoy sex within narrow parameters does exactly what patriarchy has instructed. women have been denied sexuality and freedom to understand their bodies for centuries, your opinion isn’t anything radical or new, it actually adds to popular opinion that women are sexless, pure beings.
Oh don’t piss me off… you know for a fact that it’s over 90% of women who become masochistic. The sexual liberation movement has not helped women at all in exploring their sexuality, but rather seeing themselves as sex objects under patriarchal expectations of sex. A truly liberated and radical acceptance of sex would require women to emancipate themselves from patriarchal expectations i.e. the expectation to be turned on by violence during sex. Don’t even get me started on the amount of women who have been choked, spat on, or hit during sex without consent because violent sex has been that normalised men don’t even think they need to ask.
where are you getting that statistic ? plz send a source. i’m not an advocate for the sexual liberation movement . ur correct many women do not have the language nor understanding to advocate for themselves in sexual situations because of patriarchal expectations. so many women dont know their bodies, don’t fully understand their desires. you know what would help those women? proper, comprehensive sex education. by villainizing sex and claiming it to be the sphere of men only further alienates women from their own bodies. not all women enjoy rough sex, some do though and i’m advocating that all people have access to the knowledge necessary to make thoughtful consenting decisions in the bedroom. men treat women as objects because they have been socialized to do so. wouldn’t it benefit everybody if both boys and girls were taught to respect and understand the human they’re fucking ?? my argument is that i don’t see a point in villainizing sex because it doesn’t emancipate women,nor does it create any tangible change. it only creates more shame within people.
But can this ever be possible? Can it be possible through education alone, to help women fully understand their preferences without absolving porn? In an industry that is fundamentally structured to produce and maintain patriarchal values of submission? Porn is produced and written for men, men who view women only as objects of their sexual desire this is in turn reproduced and MAINTAINED by porn, so there is no way a man or a woman can consume porn with out the message of the roles it expects women and men to play being conveyed. I agree that women have different sexual preferences some more kinky than others but I argue that has fostered from pornographic content that has taught them so. To say that education is ALL that is needed, when pornographic material is made to reinforce and reproduce submission and oppression in women. I don’t think it would work
look i’m not absolving porn of its contribution to patriarchy. but this statement can be considered for all things. like marriage, motherhood, working, all these things also contribute to the oppression of women, and are institutions structured to keep women docile and subservient. yet do you argue to dissolve these institutions as well ??
and what of the sex workers the women who often this is the ONLY avenue of work they can do. most women in the sex industry are disabled, or mentally ill. and civilian jobs don’t adhere to the conditions they require. if you’ve talked to sex workers you’d know this. we live under a system of male dominion, and irregardless of what women do or don’t, they are seen as sex objects. this rhetoric isn’t only found in pornography, but in religion, in media, in schools, in novels , in every piece of reality and fiction.
i say sex education as a FIRST step in women understanding themselves and their autonomy, because once you can truly understand your body, then you shall see the ways in which it is being harmed, and thusly are more equipped to deal with it. look i think the only real solution is the utter destruction of patriarchy, but we aren’t there yet so what are real world solutions we can implement now? because trying to get of rid of the worlds oldest profession ain’t gon work.
I have never watched porn, I have never been exposed to that kind of content, and still I like being hit, spit and choked. I’m not ashamed of my preferences,I didn’t know I liked this things until I tried them and I had the chance to do it in a safe environment with other person who understood my will and my autonomy. I fully believe that you guys are just trying to be morally superior, judgmental and haughty. Sexual freedom is also female freedom, and I think that educating and guiding instead of prohibiting and demonizing is much MUUUCH better.
Judging from this initial comment and your replies to other people's comments, I think you haven't comprehended the idea that we can critique, even put some blame on porn, while also supporting the women in the industry. It's the same argument/discussion about sex workers all over again; the industry should be made responsible and the workers should receive full support since they're vulnerable, either physically or mentally. So no, I don't think Paris is actually bringing in or even supporting puritanism through this essay, because porn does have a heavy weight in this discussion that can not be regarded as simply "another old institution, which oppresses women, that has existed since the olden times just like marriage, motherhood, etc". Porn is dangerously easy to access on the internet by teenagers—even children—to the point that it is a certainty that porn will impact their whole outlook on sex negatively, which as Paris says, will and does increase violent sexual acts. Have you ever heard about "Elon Musk's Starlink Gets Amazon's Tribe Addicted to Porn?" Yeah, their porn addiction led to the increase of violence towards women, and unfortunately that's just one of the many instances.
Personally, I don’t believe she’s using porn as a scapegoat for the effects of patriarchy, I believe she’s saying that in a day and age where pornography is so easily accessible to so many young children it actively reinforces patriarchal and misogynistic views of what a sexual relationship is to a generation of young people who have no idea what the reality of a sexual relationship actually is and looks like. As a young gen z I understand what she’s saying to be completely true, when I was in sixth grade a boy in my class told one of my friends “ you’re so rapable” at that time a lot of the boys in my class spoke about how they watched porn and when you consider how 90% of porn is betrayed to be extremely violent and makes sense why young boys and young girls believe that that’s acceptable when it comes to their personal relationships, they don’t understand the fact that porn is made up and fake. This writer is not blaming the patriarchal systems and processes that keep women down today on porn she’s just highlighting the facts and the continuation of a misogynistic and patriarchal narrative that porn pushes towards the new generation.
Babe, porn is for people who lack the emotionally maturity and patience and honesty to connect and have sex with real people, or masturbate. Porn does nothing good for anyone. Porn doesn't even show good sex, just technical sex designed for camera angles. Of all things to champion in this world, you're picking porn? For real?
There's actually layers too this issue, non of which you've addressed - you've simply went with idealism over realism.
Watching porn has many consequences for humans, psychologically and psychologically. I haven't just read studies about this; I've lived it - and I've then read studies to try and understand the impacts that it has truly had on me.
Speaking about issues, is very needed - and those women you claim are having the blame put back onto them? Only a tiny minority (the ones with the biggest platforms) are actually having a good time. Most women in the porn industry , are there because they are severely traumatised and have no family to turn too for help. They don't see any other way to live and people who gloss over this fact, and instead make it about women empowerment - are forgetting these women , leaving them in the dirt and then claiming they're out here empowering them. It's laughable at best, shows a lack of real humanity just now at worst.
Children of 12 aren't being guided by the adults around them properly, because the adults around them were brought up on porn and it's been normalised so much. Children live in a hypersexualised world now, there is hardly any thought for their needs - and more thought about adults wants. This is called generational trauma. And the people at the very top of this society, cash in on it daily in a multitude of ways.
I don't know if you realise, but how you view an article - is entirely on your own perspective. You're defensive of porn and other things mentioned in this article because you like them; they benefit you in some way. But do not be so ignorant as to deny that everything has positives and negatives. That's how we end up with problems. She is not denying anyone anything; you are - you are denying people the right to having their experience and perspective on this stuff and instead of actually offering anything of substance; you're making assertions based on your own beliefs of these issues.
Psychologically speaking; all kinks, have an underpinning reason. And without addressing that, you're not actually engaging in something you "like" you're engaging in something you think you like, because of your preprogrammed beliefs.
The issue is the fact that people keep shutting these conversations down at the point they feel discomfort, instead of allowing truth to be spoken and experiences to be shared. The issue is the fact that we do things without fully thinking about the consequences for ourselves and others in the process.
Patriarchy continues because people are too busy fighting for this vs that; instead of trying to find truth and common ground on what divides us as a society; meanwhile we're being farmed like little bugs for everything we have from money to emotions.
No they can’t. The word « kink » was invented by porn + dynamics of power, degradation and humiliation of women during sex was a concept that was invented by patriarchy and purity culture. It wouldn’t even have crossed one’s mind to be degraded in bed if purity culture didn’t invent that concept in the first place. Desires are affected by the way you’re socialized and denying it makes you an uneducated person.
a sentiment I often believe is that there is no 100% ethical consumption under capitalism because capitalism by its very nature requires cheap slave-like labor in order to operate– that's how I feel about porn and patriarchy. Porn, in its very genesis, was created under patriarchal standards of seeing women as objects to be used. I agree that comprehensive sex education should be instituted, but I believe that we shouldn't rely on porn (the industry that promotes racist stereotypes of black and asian women as fetishes, incest porn, and physical violence) for the exploration of that in the mean time. Porn sites, like any social media, thrive off of attention and don't have good intentions for its users– porn companies have every incentive to push more and more degrading content to users for money. Even if that is your genuine fetish or kink, that doesn't change that someone who may not share those same desires had to subject themselves to that for your entertainment. I'm not even getting into how most sex workers are treated on the platforms.
This take CAN come off as puritanical, but I think in this case it would be better for a child to grow a fear around using porn and being relatively uneducated than to view people as porn categories as they walk down the street. It's not a slippery slop fallacy to imply those extremes, because we're unfortunately living in a world molded by pornographic desires taking root in peoples brains and nobody likes it.
Also just wanna add that some kids don’t even find porn they are put on to it . I remember when I was 7 my brother’s friend at that time I had made me watch porn I had no idea it was that. And when my brother saw what I had been watching he scolded me instead of his friend I was so confused and lost it was crazy for me. I hate that person who did that to me it and I can’t imagine all the people who have had a similar experience to me and then on top of that being sexually assaulted by my dads friend the next year and still not quiet knowing what was happening.
I’m sorry that happened to you! I wanted to add, Solano, that you were victimized 3 times - by your brother’s friend, by your brother, and by your Dad’s friend.
Sometimes men blame everything on the woman when you were not to blame for any of it. And then if you count the porn itself, that’s four times of being blamed for men’s behavior.
And even if we know we are not to blame intellectually, parts of our bodies can still feel at fault because women have been encouraged to feel guilty about all things sexual while men accept no blame. This can be a deeply ingrained guilt.
It took me decades to heal the guilt I felt inside about the way men treated me and the way I let them treat me. I hope you can be kinder to yourself than I was. Please cherish yourself and your precious sexuality. Know that you deserve better. I promise you deserve to feel free of the judgement of those around you.
THIS 👏👏 especially for young men. it is all too easy these days on platforms like Instagram and tiktok to be algorithmically accosted by sexual content. not to mention the twisted ways its used as a coming of age ritual, often times by older friends and relatives. as if turning on a male child to porn is a necessary and normal part of his development, and not grooming.
Porn is Terrorism at this point: the mass effects on the population are so widespread and inescapable: fear, anger, humiliation, regret, embarrassment, shame, insecurity, disillusionment, worried parents, anxious teens, lonely wives; the violence visited on women and girls behind closed doors; the deluge of content it gives pedos to hide behind; incels spitting hate online; sextortion, revenge, the jealousy-inducing content; the public undermining of everything sacred; the addiction of the hopelessly predisposed (autistic boys? Does anyone give a shit what we did to these poor boys?) the lie it puts to the veneer of civilization on display for impressionable minds; the way sex jokes used to be funny and now they're not because the whole vibe changed; the lies it tells women about what men want,and to men about what women want; the horrendous impact on the language; how it empowers the cruel and violent while it frightens the decent and naive; the ability for any fool to shove it my face at the drop of a hat (many cases); the way first dates, first kisses and first crushes are impacted; the relationships that will never happen or were damaged. All in a sexual way at a vulnerable stage in life (young, lonely, just broke up, etc.) It is such a particular kind of hurt to be damaged sexually. I am completely baffled at our "it was inevitable" attitude. I’m stunned. Look at all the regulations in the country, but anything sexual gets a free pass. Violence, cruelty, disrespect: it's bad, unless of course it’s sexual, then it must be assumed to be consensual. Because wE cAnT jUdGe AnYoNeS sEx LiFe. PoRn iS FiNe As LoNg aS nO oNe GeTs HuRt. Uh..ok. I know, I’m so passe and old fashioned. Silly me. Imagine, passing regulations to prevent predators from terrorizing society; somehow that’s inconceivable. There is no porn on Youtube (ta-da!) and it was taken for granted for a thousand years that this type of thing would be unimaginable to foist on young men because we don't need any help treating women like shit. I am mystified at the cavalier “Im on the fence about it” attitude and NEARLY TOTAL MEDIA BLACKOUT (why's that? hmmm) of its connection to misogyny, mass shootings, loneliness, Gisele Picolt, the grooming gangs, teen depression and anxiety, suicide etc. Half of Substack still justifying and minimizing this full time while claiming free speech is impeded if I cant send you a dick pick. WTF is everyone stupid? Yes, everyone is being very stupid. A personal thank you to anyone that bothers to read this and SAYS SOMETHING. Goodnight internet. Darn, I tried not to say it. Sorry KD but it helps me not to freak the fuck out. Have a great night dear imaginary person who cares to demand common sense regulation. Time for political action! Ok bye.
If you grew up and saw men in the pre-internet world you'd agree. There are men pre-porn and men post-porn. It is so gross. It has dramatically increased all kinds of crimes, including pedophelia. To suggest it simply shows what men are into without influencing it is insane. It is so filled with spite towards heterosexual men, who respond by seeking out increasingly spiteful degradations of women. And girls! How have we accepted 13 year old boys accessing pornhub? Beyond insane. It is sexual abuse of those boys, and hurt people hurt people. It's a no-brainer to age-gate it, but we couldnt and now here we are.
I love the article, this is a conversation I had with a friend a while ago. One of the points we really didn't know how to answer was how to solve this problem. How can we stop children from watching? Having these conversations at school or making access difficult in some way? And how can we stop this problem in adults who have already formed their minds in that way? I think it's a really interesting subject.
How do we stop teens who just broke up with their first crush from watching? Thats far more emotionally damaging then even a kid who doesnt care that much or get it, IMO
I understand what you are saying and i do agree with it. I do want to just add something.
the part i am a little conflicted on is this idea of:
"The sexual acts that we normalize can not be based on what individual people like, but instead what is best for society. Women do not deserve violence during sex. Hurting them, regardless of if they want it, is wrong."
This seems like such a hard thing to define. The most 'gentle' sexual touch constitutes hurt if it wasn't consented to, so that ‘soft touch,’ is just as violent as a slapping, hitting, choking. All non-consensual, all violent. What defines something as hurtful is the person receiving the action and how they feel about it. The idea you are proposing also dismisses women's desire as something that can't be trusted because they've been socialized under patriarchy. I understand, but my question is where does that leave women's desire? What does 'violent' versus 'nonviolent' sex look like? A little too rough? a little too kinky? Who makes that call? Not the women having that sex?
Anyway, I agree that video pornography in a capitalistic society is always exploitative. Money does not constitute real consent, but this idea of 'regardless if they want is,' feels as if it undermines desire. there is little more feminist then a woman being openly desiring. yes, that desire came from patriarchy.... now what? what does she do with this desire? feel shame? push it down? go to therapy? is it HER desire, or not? She's a full person who WANTS... but that wanting is bad? harmful? I am not saying porn or kinky sex is librating, I am saying regardless of where is came from there is a conversation to be had about desire.
i agree that violence against women in sex has absolutely become normalized and that needs to change but I suppose I am curious what 'normalized sex acts' would be acceptable? gentle and loving between a married couple? I don't know if a conversation of what SHOULD be normalized and encouraged is helpful. Maybe instead a conversation about dismantling the violent , expotiative porn industry, and allow things to change from there.
Porn is a problem. perhaps it's better to focus on supporting sex workers and their saftey and working to change, this idea of 'sex work,' and the mentality around porn. Not as some taboo but something that is harming everyone; the people in the work, the people watching the work, and of course our children.
I agree with what you've said, it did seem like the person who wrote the post was saying that having the desire to have violent sex is wrong but what are they meant to do with that desire cause they shouldn't be made to feel bad for having it. Also, I saw the person say in a reply to someone else that without porn then no woman would have these desires but I have never watched porn and I still like it when my bf grabs my neck during our intimate time together so is it bad that I like it or what? Cause this post made me question whether I should like it or not but it's not like I can help liking it I just do
Absolutely, and the reason I took a slight issue with this post is because shame upon women in this context is never the most productive way (which was not the authors goal, but it is where the minds of reflective readers go, as you mentioned). there is nothing wrong with you, you have nothing to be ashamed off and yet it is true that patriarchy and misogyny has played a role in shaping each woman's desire and sexuality. regardless if we watch porn or not, many women and most of the male population does. I believe the idea of "hey your sexuality was shaped by this and that's wrong," with no guidance to what we do with that idea can be harmful, leads to shame and repression. it's not about beating ourselves up. the best thing we should look at what is doing the shaping and work towards dismantling it, i.e the exploitative porn industry, patriarchy and the glorification of violence.
I'm honestly so puzzled by this reply. Were we both using the internet in 2005? I can't tell. Either way, the internet itself wasn't as accessible in 2005 as it is in 2025 so that does not stand to reason.
My cousin showed me my first open video. Then I started watching it but I agree with this so much. I think the kinks are definitely from watching porn for so long and from violent sexual experiences. I hope more people let porn go. It’s unrealistic and kind shouldn’t be watching it at such a young age. I think I was 11 or 12. Now, I don’t watch it at all.
You are describing child sexual abuse, especially if the victim is a testosterone fulled boy who doesnt know anything about women. Its such a slap in the face to men. Its enraging that our most jealousy inducing primal rage fuel is shoved in a boys face as soon as he hits puberty.
Absolutely loved this piece , more critical inspections of how porn shapes sex and shapes relationships is required to make progress on gender inequality between the sexes .
“All of these acts would be considered assault when not put in a sexual context, so what about it being done during sex makes it different?” You really need to stop treating women like they're little girls incapable of making decisions about their sexual lives. The difference between rape and a fetish is that, in the case of a fetish, the person has the full right to consent to it. We wouldn't be talking about the same thing in sex work, where there's no consent because there's a condition involved (money). Porn acts similarly. But when this desire comes from a genuine attraction to explore and perform the act, there's no reason for morality and prejudice to come into play. Within BDSM and eccentric fetishes, there are many ways to practice consent, such as the famous safe words, among other forms. You people are so concerned about emancipating women that you unwittingly end up wanting to control what they do when no one is watching, what they feel, what they desire, what turns them on, and what they think. Just because you don't understand something doesn't mean it's wrong, and while it's true that young minds are being educated by porn, there’s no reason to treat women as unself-critical beings.
Please do any historical research before writing, people have like being slapped, choked, and spat on for as long as we’ve been recording information about sex.
In 2024 I and my friend were having debate on dark romance culture and I was always against it but he read them enormously whilst the debate he even came to say that girls like being mistreated I was like wtf am I not a girl and he couldn't go on with the debate but I couldn't find the reason behind why even girls are hyping dark romance I now got the point thanks again ❣️
The dialectical tensions within the sexual roles men and women are compelled to inhabit is an issue that needed to be addressed long ago.
Yet, there is an imbalance. The article, I dare to say deliberately, emphasizes the oppression and discomfort that women experience when subjected to violent sexual expectations, where the erotic encounter becomes performative.
However, the inverse dynamic, the crisis of inadequacy that a man may feel when he does not embody the aggressive role he is expected to fulfill, remains strikingly underexamined.
As you said: "Of course, girls watch porn too, they are learning along with boys what their role in sex is."
And so, the same porn that shapes men also conditions women.
This was a missed opportunity. In many ways, it is precisely this fragile, volatile masculinity that perpetuates the structures of coercion the piece critiques.
To fully grasp the mechanics of power in desire, we must address not only the victim’s discomfort but the perpetrator’s own internal contradictions, the fear of not being ‘man enough’ that fuels the cycle of performativity.
Nonetheless, your article remains a vital and necessary contribution. The stakes are high, and the conversation matters. Thank you for pushing it forward.
This, lover this article! Degrading, and violent expressions of sexual acts is a cultural problem where I am from, and this all stems from the media that so many people are exposed to, and this behavior is normalized, sex is not seen as an expression of intimacy or to strengthen bonds, it is seen as something that is done to women and not with women
Hi I’m actually masochistic. Bdsm themes really helped heal me after experiencing DV and other forms of abuse. My ex abuser was heavily addicted to porn and it ruined our relationship bc he couldn’t have sex outside that lens. And he was not taking the care and consideration for my body and wellbeing as a person first. I spent years thinking I was asexual because of him. I did not like any sex, being touched at all, let alone pain, or any discomfort in that relationship because it was so heavily woven into the actual disdain and disrespect he actually had for me.
It wasn’t the themes, it was that a horrible person thought they could just do whatever they wanted without considering me in the process. Then I was just left there… with a mess to clean up, confused, and crying because I hated that experience and I’m supposed to be grateful the bastard even wanted to fuck me… gross and so sad…
I now… ironically like pain in some cases. I’ve reclaimed a lot of my sensuality and sexuality since then. I discovered many things about myself, including that certain sensations, in combination with genuine consideration and aftercare, can be INCREDIBLE.
The tactile sensations of impact play with the right partner actually feels grounding and safe to me. It brings me back to center, it quiets my mind and actually helps me release any stuck feelings that I can’t always contextualize. There’s really nothing like a good ass spanking, a deep cry, and being hugged and kissed gently and talked through some feelings after. It releases endorphins, and so many feel good chemicals.
Things may look similar on paper and you may ask why I like being hit and spanked and choked NOW and not when I was being abused…. You might try to pathologise my behavior as some fucked yo trauma response, or blame the patriarchy yet again…
But truly it boils down to three simple things; Desire, consent and respect.
My partner that I have now is always kind to me. Even when we disagree on things he is careful with his words and does not overstep with communication. If it needs room to breathe, he draws boundaries, unprompted by me, many of the times and leads the follow up. He takes great care to make sure I’m safe and taken care of in all regards.
He actually likes me as a person and does not have any desire to cause actual wounding bruising prolonged red marks or emotional damage to me. Impact play is NEVER a result of gaining control through anger and violence.
It is something we do that feels good to both of us during play and because it feels good only.
I have also healed a lot of my flinch responses to fast movements around me and I don’t walk around the world scared anymore either. It’s almost like… I’ve taken the emotional fear out of impact and it’s truly just a sensation now. Nothing to be afraid of.
Abuse runs on fear and control. If there’s no fear and nobody is being controlled, and everyone is saying yes and feels happy after, then there is no harm done.
I actually partly agree with you. Pornography is a big problem because a lot of women don't always give their consent, and when young children see this, it's incredibly problematic and definitely has an effect on you and your own perception of sexuality. However, I must also say that when it comes to practicing BDSM, I don't think it's a problem in private as long as both parties consent. BDSM can be a form of control, freedom, or development for both men and women (or everything in between). Whether you have to film it to show it online... I don't think so. I also think that we need a much more enlightened upbringing and education for young people on the subject of sexuality and pornography, and that already starts with the fact that many parents do not use the biological terms that actually belong to the body.
This article reminded me of how even Billie Eilish said in an interview, "The first few times I had sex, I was not saying no to things that were not good," "And it's because I thought that that's what I was supposed to be attracted to."
I'm so glad more people are talking about these issues since it all can potentially do a lot of damage
love your writing but genuinely have to disagree with this article. the blame isn’t porn its a lack of comprehensive sex education on both ends. by pitting the blame on porn you inadvertently blame the women in the industry. children of 12 are developing sexuality they don’t lack it, because of a lack of knowledge they turn to porn. idk if you realize but this subtext of this article reads as puritanism because you’re denying women and children their sexuality and explorations of it. ppl can like kinky and freaky things independent of porn, the issue isn’t wanting to be choked or whipped it’s the fact that ppl don’t know enough about their own bodies, safe sex and the changing nature of consent. scapegoating porn doesn’t fix the problem it only furthers patriarchy i fearr
I fear you are not emotionally or mentally ready to understand that porn IS patriarchy. The blame is not on the women in the industry. The blame is on the industry as an entity. These extreme and violent narratives played out in porn have very real consequences in the real world. (From an ex SW before you try to tell me I don’t know what I’m talking about.) Have a nice day.
In accepting that women can enjoy being choked or whipped, you also accept that women are naturally or innately submissive and masochistic. No, no woman would enjoy these things without porn OR without patriarchal pressure. It is not a “natural” exploration of sexuality & it is not puritanical to not accept violence against women.
don’t jump to conclusions or put words in my mouth. i never once accepted that women are innately submissive/masochist. actually you drew such a conclusion because you view sex purely from a patriarchal standpoint of domination. i said women can enjoy being choked or whipped because women are multi-faceted human beings who can enjoy a variety of experiences. men also enjoy being choked and whipped yet ur not saying they’re innately submissive. people’s sexual inclinations do not represent them wholly. by drawing a clear boundary and saying NO woman enjoys that, you alienate the women who do. because deny as you might, these women still exist. just because you as a woman do not enjoy these things does not make your opinion, because that’s what it is ,automatically factual. porn in the modern sense hasn’t existed for as long as the human sexual experience has. to tell women they can only enjoy sex within narrow parameters does exactly what patriarchy has instructed. women have been denied sexuality and freedom to understand their bodies for centuries, your opinion isn’t anything radical or new, it actually adds to popular opinion that women are sexless, pure beings.
Oh don’t piss me off… you know for a fact that it’s over 90% of women who become masochistic. The sexual liberation movement has not helped women at all in exploring their sexuality, but rather seeing themselves as sex objects under patriarchal expectations of sex. A truly liberated and radical acceptance of sex would require women to emancipate themselves from patriarchal expectations i.e. the expectation to be turned on by violence during sex. Don’t even get me started on the amount of women who have been choked, spat on, or hit during sex without consent because violent sex has been that normalised men don’t even think they need to ask.
where are you getting that statistic ? plz send a source. i’m not an advocate for the sexual liberation movement . ur correct many women do not have the language nor understanding to advocate for themselves in sexual situations because of patriarchal expectations. so many women dont know their bodies, don’t fully understand their desires. you know what would help those women? proper, comprehensive sex education. by villainizing sex and claiming it to be the sphere of men only further alienates women from their own bodies. not all women enjoy rough sex, some do though and i’m advocating that all people have access to the knowledge necessary to make thoughtful consenting decisions in the bedroom. men treat women as objects because they have been socialized to do so. wouldn’t it benefit everybody if both boys and girls were taught to respect and understand the human they’re fucking ?? my argument is that i don’t see a point in villainizing sex because it doesn’t emancipate women,nor does it create any tangible change. it only creates more shame within people.
But can this ever be possible? Can it be possible through education alone, to help women fully understand their preferences without absolving porn? In an industry that is fundamentally structured to produce and maintain patriarchal values of submission? Porn is produced and written for men, men who view women only as objects of their sexual desire this is in turn reproduced and MAINTAINED by porn, so there is no way a man or a woman can consume porn with out the message of the roles it expects women and men to play being conveyed. I agree that women have different sexual preferences some more kinky than others but I argue that has fostered from pornographic content that has taught them so. To say that education is ALL that is needed, when pornographic material is made to reinforce and reproduce submission and oppression in women. I don’t think it would work
look i’m not absolving porn of its contribution to patriarchy. but this statement can be considered for all things. like marriage, motherhood, working, all these things also contribute to the oppression of women, and are institutions structured to keep women docile and subservient. yet do you argue to dissolve these institutions as well ??
and what of the sex workers the women who often this is the ONLY avenue of work they can do. most women in the sex industry are disabled, or mentally ill. and civilian jobs don’t adhere to the conditions they require. if you’ve talked to sex workers you’d know this. we live under a system of male dominion, and irregardless of what women do or don’t, they are seen as sex objects. this rhetoric isn’t only found in pornography, but in religion, in media, in schools, in novels , in every piece of reality and fiction.
i say sex education as a FIRST step in women understanding themselves and their autonomy, because once you can truly understand your body, then you shall see the ways in which it is being harmed, and thusly are more equipped to deal with it. look i think the only real solution is the utter destruction of patriarchy, but we aren’t there yet so what are real world solutions we can implement now? because trying to get of rid of the worlds oldest profession ain’t gon work.
me when i pull things out of my ass to skew the argument in a completely different direction
You're dealing with a very narcissistic human my friend. Very.
Nah how many men vs women do u know that like 'enjoy' violence during sex ? And u think p*rn has 0 role to play in that conditioning ?
I have never watched porn, I have never been exposed to that kind of content, and still I like being hit, spit and choked. I’m not ashamed of my preferences,I didn’t know I liked this things until I tried them and I had the chance to do it in a safe environment with other person who understood my will and my autonomy. I fully believe that you guys are just trying to be morally superior, judgmental and haughty. Sexual freedom is also female freedom, and I think that educating and guiding instead of prohibiting and demonizing is much MUUUCH better.
These are just tactile sensations that some brains really find arousing!!! What matters is intent.
THIS THIS THIS THIS THIS.
i can guarantee you that a lot of women out there have developed those kinks naturally and not by force or exposition to porn.
That's a interesting take, one that I never considered before
Judging from this initial comment and your replies to other people's comments, I think you haven't comprehended the idea that we can critique, even put some blame on porn, while also supporting the women in the industry. It's the same argument/discussion about sex workers all over again; the industry should be made responsible and the workers should receive full support since they're vulnerable, either physically or mentally. So no, I don't think Paris is actually bringing in or even supporting puritanism through this essay, because porn does have a heavy weight in this discussion that can not be regarded as simply "another old institution, which oppresses women, that has existed since the olden times just like marriage, motherhood, etc". Porn is dangerously easy to access on the internet by teenagers—even children—to the point that it is a certainty that porn will impact their whole outlook on sex negatively, which as Paris says, will and does increase violent sexual acts. Have you ever heard about "Elon Musk's Starlink Gets Amazon's Tribe Addicted to Porn?" Yeah, their porn addiction led to the increase of violence towards women, and unfortunately that's just one of the many instances.
Personally, I don’t believe she’s using porn as a scapegoat for the effects of patriarchy, I believe she’s saying that in a day and age where pornography is so easily accessible to so many young children it actively reinforces patriarchal and misogynistic views of what a sexual relationship is to a generation of young people who have no idea what the reality of a sexual relationship actually is and looks like. As a young gen z I understand what she’s saying to be completely true, when I was in sixth grade a boy in my class told one of my friends “ you’re so rapable” at that time a lot of the boys in my class spoke about how they watched porn and when you consider how 90% of porn is betrayed to be extremely violent and makes sense why young boys and young girls believe that that’s acceptable when it comes to their personal relationships, they don’t understand the fact that porn is made up and fake. This writer is not blaming the patriarchal systems and processes that keep women down today on porn she’s just highlighting the facts and the continuation of a misogynistic and patriarchal narrative that porn pushes towards the new generation.
Babe, porn is for people who lack the emotionally maturity and patience and honesty to connect and have sex with real people, or masturbate. Porn does nothing good for anyone. Porn doesn't even show good sex, just technical sex designed for camera angles. Of all things to champion in this world, you're picking porn? For real?
There's actually layers too this issue, non of which you've addressed - you've simply went with idealism over realism.
Watching porn has many consequences for humans, psychologically and psychologically. I haven't just read studies about this; I've lived it - and I've then read studies to try and understand the impacts that it has truly had on me.
Speaking about issues, is very needed - and those women you claim are having the blame put back onto them? Only a tiny minority (the ones with the biggest platforms) are actually having a good time. Most women in the porn industry , are there because they are severely traumatised and have no family to turn too for help. They don't see any other way to live and people who gloss over this fact, and instead make it about women empowerment - are forgetting these women , leaving them in the dirt and then claiming they're out here empowering them. It's laughable at best, shows a lack of real humanity just now at worst.
Children of 12 aren't being guided by the adults around them properly, because the adults around them were brought up on porn and it's been normalised so much. Children live in a hypersexualised world now, there is hardly any thought for their needs - and more thought about adults wants. This is called generational trauma. And the people at the very top of this society, cash in on it daily in a multitude of ways.
I don't know if you realise, but how you view an article - is entirely on your own perspective. You're defensive of porn and other things mentioned in this article because you like them; they benefit you in some way. But do not be so ignorant as to deny that everything has positives and negatives. That's how we end up with problems. She is not denying anyone anything; you are - you are denying people the right to having their experience and perspective on this stuff and instead of actually offering anything of substance; you're making assertions based on your own beliefs of these issues.
Psychologically speaking; all kinks, have an underpinning reason. And without addressing that, you're not actually engaging in something you "like" you're engaging in something you think you like, because of your preprogrammed beliefs.
The issue is the fact that people keep shutting these conversations down at the point they feel discomfort, instead of allowing truth to be spoken and experiences to be shared. The issue is the fact that we do things without fully thinking about the consequences for ourselves and others in the process.
Patriarchy continues because people are too busy fighting for this vs that; instead of trying to find truth and common ground on what divides us as a society; meanwhile we're being farmed like little bugs for everything we have from money to emotions.
No they can’t. The word « kink » was invented by porn + dynamics of power, degradation and humiliation of women during sex was a concept that was invented by patriarchy and purity culture. It wouldn’t even have crossed one’s mind to be degraded in bed if purity culture didn’t invent that concept in the first place. Desires are affected by the way you’re socialized and denying it makes you an uneducated person.
a sentiment I often believe is that there is no 100% ethical consumption under capitalism because capitalism by its very nature requires cheap slave-like labor in order to operate– that's how I feel about porn and patriarchy. Porn, in its very genesis, was created under patriarchal standards of seeing women as objects to be used. I agree that comprehensive sex education should be instituted, but I believe that we shouldn't rely on porn (the industry that promotes racist stereotypes of black and asian women as fetishes, incest porn, and physical violence) for the exploration of that in the mean time. Porn sites, like any social media, thrive off of attention and don't have good intentions for its users– porn companies have every incentive to push more and more degrading content to users for money. Even if that is your genuine fetish or kink, that doesn't change that someone who may not share those same desires had to subject themselves to that for your entertainment. I'm not even getting into how most sex workers are treated on the platforms.
This take CAN come off as puritanical, but I think in this case it would be better for a child to grow a fear around using porn and being relatively uneducated than to view people as porn categories as they walk down the street. It's not a slippery slop fallacy to imply those extremes, because we're unfortunately living in a world molded by pornographic desires taking root in peoples brains and nobody likes it.
Also just wanna add that some kids don’t even find porn they are put on to it . I remember when I was 7 my brother’s friend at that time I had made me watch porn I had no idea it was that. And when my brother saw what I had been watching he scolded me instead of his friend I was so confused and lost it was crazy for me. I hate that person who did that to me it and I can’t imagine all the people who have had a similar experience to me and then on top of that being sexually assaulted by my dads friend the next year and still not quiet knowing what was happening.
I’m sorry that happened to you! I wanted to add, Solano, that you were victimized 3 times - by your brother’s friend, by your brother, and by your Dad’s friend.
Sometimes men blame everything on the woman when you were not to blame for any of it. And then if you count the porn itself, that’s four times of being blamed for men’s behavior.
And even if we know we are not to blame intellectually, parts of our bodies can still feel at fault because women have been encouraged to feel guilty about all things sexual while men accept no blame. This can be a deeply ingrained guilt.
It took me decades to heal the guilt I felt inside about the way men treated me and the way I let them treat me. I hope you can be kinder to yourself than I was. Please cherish yourself and your precious sexuality. Know that you deserve better. I promise you deserve to feel free of the judgement of those around you.
THIS 👏👏 especially for young men. it is all too easy these days on platforms like Instagram and tiktok to be algorithmically accosted by sexual content. not to mention the twisted ways its used as a coming of age ritual, often times by older friends and relatives. as if turning on a male child to porn is a necessary and normal part of his development, and not grooming.
Porn is Terrorism at this point: the mass effects on the population are so widespread and inescapable: fear, anger, humiliation, regret, embarrassment, shame, insecurity, disillusionment, worried parents, anxious teens, lonely wives; the violence visited on women and girls behind closed doors; the deluge of content it gives pedos to hide behind; incels spitting hate online; sextortion, revenge, the jealousy-inducing content; the public undermining of everything sacred; the addiction of the hopelessly predisposed (autistic boys? Does anyone give a shit what we did to these poor boys?) the lie it puts to the veneer of civilization on display for impressionable minds; the way sex jokes used to be funny and now they're not because the whole vibe changed; the lies it tells women about what men want,and to men about what women want; the horrendous impact on the language; how it empowers the cruel and violent while it frightens the decent and naive; the ability for any fool to shove it my face at the drop of a hat (many cases); the way first dates, first kisses and first crushes are impacted; the relationships that will never happen or were damaged. All in a sexual way at a vulnerable stage in life (young, lonely, just broke up, etc.) It is such a particular kind of hurt to be damaged sexually. I am completely baffled at our "it was inevitable" attitude. I’m stunned. Look at all the regulations in the country, but anything sexual gets a free pass. Violence, cruelty, disrespect: it's bad, unless of course it’s sexual, then it must be assumed to be consensual. Because wE cAnT jUdGe AnYoNeS sEx LiFe. PoRn iS FiNe As LoNg aS nO oNe GeTs HuRt. Uh..ok. I know, I’m so passe and old fashioned. Silly me. Imagine, passing regulations to prevent predators from terrorizing society; somehow that’s inconceivable. There is no porn on Youtube (ta-da!) and it was taken for granted for a thousand years that this type of thing would be unimaginable to foist on young men because we don't need any help treating women like shit. I am mystified at the cavalier “Im on the fence about it” attitude and NEARLY TOTAL MEDIA BLACKOUT (why's that? hmmm) of its connection to misogyny, mass shootings, loneliness, Gisele Picolt, the grooming gangs, teen depression and anxiety, suicide etc. Half of Substack still justifying and minimizing this full time while claiming free speech is impeded if I cant send you a dick pick. WTF is everyone stupid? Yes, everyone is being very stupid. A personal thank you to anyone that bothers to read this and SAYS SOMETHING. Goodnight internet. Darn, I tried not to say it. Sorry KD but it helps me not to freak the fuck out. Have a great night dear imaginary person who cares to demand common sense regulation. Time for political action! Ok bye.
I have to commend you on such a strong stance, even if I don't quite agree with you
If you grew up and saw men in the pre-internet world you'd agree. There are men pre-porn and men post-porn. It is so gross. It has dramatically increased all kinds of crimes, including pedophelia. To suggest it simply shows what men are into without influencing it is insane. It is so filled with spite towards heterosexual men, who respond by seeking out increasingly spiteful degradations of women. And girls! How have we accepted 13 year old boys accessing pornhub? Beyond insane. It is sexual abuse of those boys, and hurt people hurt people. It's a no-brainer to age-gate it, but we couldnt and now here we are.
It is a incredible concept that you can just watch that stuff at any time you want to with no consequences. Pretty much at any age too.
I love the article, this is a conversation I had with a friend a while ago. One of the points we really didn't know how to answer was how to solve this problem. How can we stop children from watching? Having these conversations at school or making access difficult in some way? And how can we stop this problem in adults who have already formed their minds in that way? I think it's a really interesting subject.
This is why I love Substack. No where else on my phone will I find people discussing something like this so candidly
How do we stop teens who just broke up with their first crush from watching? Thats far more emotionally damaging then even a kid who doesnt care that much or get it, IMO
I understand what you are saying and i do agree with it. I do want to just add something.
the part i am a little conflicted on is this idea of:
"The sexual acts that we normalize can not be based on what individual people like, but instead what is best for society. Women do not deserve violence during sex. Hurting them, regardless of if they want it, is wrong."
This seems like such a hard thing to define. The most 'gentle' sexual touch constitutes hurt if it wasn't consented to, so that ‘soft touch,’ is just as violent as a slapping, hitting, choking. All non-consensual, all violent. What defines something as hurtful is the person receiving the action and how they feel about it. The idea you are proposing also dismisses women's desire as something that can't be trusted because they've been socialized under patriarchy. I understand, but my question is where does that leave women's desire? What does 'violent' versus 'nonviolent' sex look like? A little too rough? a little too kinky? Who makes that call? Not the women having that sex?
Anyway, I agree that video pornography in a capitalistic society is always exploitative. Money does not constitute real consent, but this idea of 'regardless if they want is,' feels as if it undermines desire. there is little more feminist then a woman being openly desiring. yes, that desire came from patriarchy.... now what? what does she do with this desire? feel shame? push it down? go to therapy? is it HER desire, or not? She's a full person who WANTS... but that wanting is bad? harmful? I am not saying porn or kinky sex is librating, I am saying regardless of where is came from there is a conversation to be had about desire.
i agree that violence against women in sex has absolutely become normalized and that needs to change but I suppose I am curious what 'normalized sex acts' would be acceptable? gentle and loving between a married couple? I don't know if a conversation of what SHOULD be normalized and encouraged is helpful. Maybe instead a conversation about dismantling the violent , expotiative porn industry, and allow things to change from there.
Porn is a problem. perhaps it's better to focus on supporting sex workers and their saftey and working to change, this idea of 'sex work,' and the mentality around porn. Not as some taboo but something that is harming everyone; the people in the work, the people watching the work, and of course our children.
I agree with what you've said, it did seem like the person who wrote the post was saying that having the desire to have violent sex is wrong but what are they meant to do with that desire cause they shouldn't be made to feel bad for having it. Also, I saw the person say in a reply to someone else that without porn then no woman would have these desires but I have never watched porn and I still like it when my bf grabs my neck during our intimate time together so is it bad that I like it or what? Cause this post made me question whether I should like it or not but it's not like I can help liking it I just do
Absolutely, and the reason I took a slight issue with this post is because shame upon women in this context is never the most productive way (which was not the authors goal, but it is where the minds of reflective readers go, as you mentioned). there is nothing wrong with you, you have nothing to be ashamed off and yet it is true that patriarchy and misogyny has played a role in shaping each woman's desire and sexuality. regardless if we watch porn or not, many women and most of the male population does. I believe the idea of "hey your sexuality was shaped by this and that's wrong," with no guidance to what we do with that idea can be harmful, leads to shame and repression. it's not about beating ourselves up. the best thing we should look at what is doing the shaping and work towards dismantling it, i.e the exploitative porn industry, patriarchy and the glorification of violence.
Everything you said 100%
Thank you for this article. It highly disturbs me – the ways we are framing up sex for our kids. This article nailed it.
Where has everyone been for 20 years on this?
Twenty years ago porn containing violence was niche and not what children would come across as easily as now...
20 years ago was 2005. No it wasn’t. And it was as accessible as it is today.
I'm honestly so puzzled by this reply. Were we both using the internet in 2005? I can't tell. Either way, the internet itself wasn't as accessible in 2005 as it is in 2025 so that does not stand to reason.
My cousin showed me my first open video. Then I started watching it but I agree with this so much. I think the kinks are definitely from watching porn for so long and from violent sexual experiences. I hope more people let porn go. It’s unrealistic and kind shouldn’t be watching it at such a young age. I think I was 11 or 12. Now, I don’t watch it at all.
You are describing child sexual abuse, especially if the victim is a testosterone fulled boy who doesnt know anything about women. Its such a slap in the face to men. Its enraging that our most jealousy inducing primal rage fuel is shoved in a boys face as soon as he hits puberty.
It was actually a girl. Smh but I'm not sure who showed her at the time.
Absolutely loved this piece , more critical inspections of how porn shapes sex and shapes relationships is required to make progress on gender inequality between the sexes .
“All of these acts would be considered assault when not put in a sexual context, so what about it being done during sex makes it different?” You really need to stop treating women like they're little girls incapable of making decisions about their sexual lives. The difference between rape and a fetish is that, in the case of a fetish, the person has the full right to consent to it. We wouldn't be talking about the same thing in sex work, where there's no consent because there's a condition involved (money). Porn acts similarly. But when this desire comes from a genuine attraction to explore and perform the act, there's no reason for morality and prejudice to come into play. Within BDSM and eccentric fetishes, there are many ways to practice consent, such as the famous safe words, among other forms. You people are so concerned about emancipating women that you unwittingly end up wanting to control what they do when no one is watching, what they feel, what they desire, what turns them on, and what they think. Just because you don't understand something doesn't mean it's wrong, and while it's true that young minds are being educated by porn, there’s no reason to treat women as unself-critical beings.
Please do any historical research before writing, people have like being slapped, choked, and spat on for as long as we’ve been recording information about sex.
Love you for it.💕
In 2024 I and my friend were having debate on dark romance culture and I was always against it but he read them enormously whilst the debate he even came to say that girls like being mistreated I was like wtf am I not a girl and he couldn't go on with the debate but I couldn't find the reason behind why even girls are hyping dark romance I now got the point thanks again ❣️
Great piece.
The dialectical tensions within the sexual roles men and women are compelled to inhabit is an issue that needed to be addressed long ago.
Yet, there is an imbalance. The article, I dare to say deliberately, emphasizes the oppression and discomfort that women experience when subjected to violent sexual expectations, where the erotic encounter becomes performative.
However, the inverse dynamic, the crisis of inadequacy that a man may feel when he does not embody the aggressive role he is expected to fulfill, remains strikingly underexamined.
As you said: "Of course, girls watch porn too, they are learning along with boys what their role in sex is."
And so, the same porn that shapes men also conditions women.
This was a missed opportunity. In many ways, it is precisely this fragile, volatile masculinity that perpetuates the structures of coercion the piece critiques.
To fully grasp the mechanics of power in desire, we must address not only the victim’s discomfort but the perpetrator’s own internal contradictions, the fear of not being ‘man enough’ that fuels the cycle of performativity.
Nonetheless, your article remains a vital and necessary contribution. The stakes are high, and the conversation matters. Thank you for pushing it forward.
This is not by any means a hate comment.
This, lover this article! Degrading, and violent expressions of sexual acts is a cultural problem where I am from, and this all stems from the media that so many people are exposed to, and this behavior is normalized, sex is not seen as an expression of intimacy or to strengthen bonds, it is seen as something that is done to women and not with women
Hi I’m actually masochistic. Bdsm themes really helped heal me after experiencing DV and other forms of abuse. My ex abuser was heavily addicted to porn and it ruined our relationship bc he couldn’t have sex outside that lens. And he was not taking the care and consideration for my body and wellbeing as a person first. I spent years thinking I was asexual because of him. I did not like any sex, being touched at all, let alone pain, or any discomfort in that relationship because it was so heavily woven into the actual disdain and disrespect he actually had for me.
It wasn’t the themes, it was that a horrible person thought they could just do whatever they wanted without considering me in the process. Then I was just left there… with a mess to clean up, confused, and crying because I hated that experience and I’m supposed to be grateful the bastard even wanted to fuck me… gross and so sad…
I now… ironically like pain in some cases. I’ve reclaimed a lot of my sensuality and sexuality since then. I discovered many things about myself, including that certain sensations, in combination with genuine consideration and aftercare, can be INCREDIBLE.
The tactile sensations of impact play with the right partner actually feels grounding and safe to me. It brings me back to center, it quiets my mind and actually helps me release any stuck feelings that I can’t always contextualize. There’s really nothing like a good ass spanking, a deep cry, and being hugged and kissed gently and talked through some feelings after. It releases endorphins, and so many feel good chemicals.
Things may look similar on paper and you may ask why I like being hit and spanked and choked NOW and not when I was being abused…. You might try to pathologise my behavior as some fucked yo trauma response, or blame the patriarchy yet again…
But truly it boils down to three simple things; Desire, consent and respect.
My partner that I have now is always kind to me. Even when we disagree on things he is careful with his words and does not overstep with communication. If it needs room to breathe, he draws boundaries, unprompted by me, many of the times and leads the follow up. He takes great care to make sure I’m safe and taken care of in all regards.
He actually likes me as a person and does not have any desire to cause actual wounding bruising prolonged red marks or emotional damage to me. Impact play is NEVER a result of gaining control through anger and violence.
It is something we do that feels good to both of us during play and because it feels good only.
I have also healed a lot of my flinch responses to fast movements around me and I don’t walk around the world scared anymore either. It’s almost like… I’ve taken the emotional fear out of impact and it’s truly just a sensation now. Nothing to be afraid of.
Abuse runs on fear and control. If there’s no fear and nobody is being controlled, and everyone is saying yes and feels happy after, then there is no harm done.
Hope this helps!
I actually partly agree with you. Pornography is a big problem because a lot of women don't always give their consent, and when young children see this, it's incredibly problematic and definitely has an effect on you and your own perception of sexuality. However, I must also say that when it comes to practicing BDSM, I don't think it's a problem in private as long as both parties consent. BDSM can be a form of control, freedom, or development for both men and women (or everything in between). Whether you have to film it to show it online... I don't think so. I also think that we need a much more enlightened upbringing and education for young people on the subject of sexuality and pornography, and that already starts with the fact that many parents do not use the biological terms that actually belong to the body.
This article reminded me of how even Billie Eilish said in an interview, "The first few times I had sex, I was not saying no to things that were not good," "And it's because I thought that that's what I was supposed to be attracted to."
I'm so glad more people are talking about these issues since it all can potentially do a lot of damage