This was it. Perfectly summarized the female experience, we've been indoctrinated to believe society values "demure" women more than the rest. One of the reasons I never liked that trend.
society does value demure people more than the rest, because look at world, it is aching for civility, for peace. so i would say, in this current times, yes, people who can channel fruitful conversations and discussions without offending everyone, are probably valued by the vast majority of people. i personally do
i dunno girl, i think you may be thinking its very cool to have these awful traits, only because men have them. Like, if it shocked you when men speak about minor accomplishments as if they were Academy Award winners, it's probably because it shows a lack of humility and an over estimation of themselves. I don't know if what the world needs is you acting in that way.
i agree there is value in offense, but, not just for the sake of it. certainly not because men are offensive.
The story here is deeply personal — and that deserves respect. The struggle to balance confidence, kindness, and self-respect is real for every human being, not just women. But the conclusions drawn from that struggle are not just mistaken — they are tragically limiting.
Let’s begin with the first error: framing agreeableness and empathy as tools of patriarchal control. This is not only historically inaccurate — it is philosophically hollow.
Agreeableness is not feminine oppression. It is human virtue. Cooperation, humility, and care for others are the very qualities that hold families together, build communities, and sustain civilizations. The author rightly notes that societies require empathy and cooperation — but then contradicts herself by labeling these same virtues as poisonous when expressed in women.
The problem here is not empathy — the problem is imbalance. The solution is not to abandon kindness or to glorify being “offensive” as a form of empowerment. The solution is maturity — the wisdom to know when to yield and when to stand firm, when to care for others and when to assert yourself.
This is not patriarchy — this is adulthood.
The second error is the notion that women are uniquely socialized to disappear into the preferences of men — that cooking a meal someone likes or adopting your partner’s hobbies is a form of submission or “slavery.” This is a profound misunderstanding of love.
Love, by definition, seeks the good of the other. Men do this for women as well — often invisibly. They attend events they dislike, watch movies they would not choose, carry burdens they would never mention. That is not oppression. That is sacrifice. That is what makes a relationship beautiful.
The author also confuses assertiveness with arrogance. She is amazed that men speak with confidence about small accomplishments or send back food without apology. But this is not a uniquely male trait — it is simply a refusal to apologize for existing. Women have every right — and every ability — to do the same without abandoning their empathy or becoming combative.
The real enemy here is not patriarchy. The real enemy is insecurity — the universal human fear of being unloved or unseen. But overcoming insecurity does not require becoming abrasive, selfish, or offensive. It requires internal strength, quiet confidence, and an identity rooted in something deeper than social approval.
Ironically, the author has fallen into the very trap she claims to resist: allowing her worth to be dictated by others — in this case, by rebelling against them. But true freedom is not found in reaction. True freedom is found in rootedness — in becoming a whole person who serves and loves freely, not out of fear, but out of choice.
Assertiveness is not about being offensive. It is about being truthful.
Confidence is not about being loud. It is about being grounded.
Love is not about submission or domination. It is about mutual sacrifice.
And neither patriarchy nor matriarchy will ever produce the kind of human flourishing that comes from humility, courage, and love freely given.
That is the real liberation — and it belongs to every human soul willing to rise above bitterness and fear.
Constantly working on destructing this mindset thank you for putting into words what so many women have a difficult time articulating this was well said.
Thing is a lot of women don't even realize they're trapped in this mentality. We don't realise we're always fine-tuning ourselves to fit society's demands. Censoring our every words and actions so we don't offend anyone. Thank you for sharing this. I needed to hear it
So relatable. How many times have held back my true self, instead I smiled and nodded in a conversation with a man, because I kept telling myself “it’s not worth it”. Sometimes it goes back to a safety thing. Men haven’t always been safe to be myself around. But when do I stop assuming I can’t hold my own?
I haven’t read it yet, but the picture reminds me of a thought I have more and more often: considering the level and intensity of violence men have been putting women through, it’s astounding there aren’t more murders or at least maimings of men by women. I’m not saying “let’s kill men!” But like, women’s day should be a global ceremony rewarding women for keeping their cool for so long.
reading your second to last paragraph, it reminded me of when i watched a video of men guessing the anatomy of people AFAB when shown a diagram or shown common items and being asked to identify them and while the first 2 responses made me laugh, the longer it went on the more shocked and blatantly disgusted i was that people like this are making choices for our bodies or walking the earth thinking they know it all, and i like to think about this when i'm worried i may be taking too much space up or "stirring up the pot". one man thought the anal canal was a baby...
You made me ask myself “Who am I outside of the lens of a yt male centred gaze?” My journey discovering who I am and who I want to be is indeed a fun one
I deleted tiktok and the only thing I miss are your poems. So happy to get a slice of your longer pieces work. How I’ve missed your eloquence and thoughtful observations💘
This was it. Perfectly summarized the female experience, we've been indoctrinated to believe society values "demure" women more than the rest. One of the reasons I never liked that trend.
society does value demure people more than the rest, because look at world, it is aching for civility, for peace. so i would say, in this current times, yes, people who can channel fruitful conversations and discussions without offending everyone, are probably valued by the vast majority of people. i personally do
i dunno girl, i think you may be thinking its very cool to have these awful traits, only because men have them. Like, if it shocked you when men speak about minor accomplishments as if they were Academy Award winners, it's probably because it shows a lack of humility and an over estimation of themselves. I don't know if what the world needs is you acting in that way.
i agree there is value in offense, but, not just for the sake of it. certainly not because men are offensive.
The story here is deeply personal — and that deserves respect. The struggle to balance confidence, kindness, and self-respect is real for every human being, not just women. But the conclusions drawn from that struggle are not just mistaken — they are tragically limiting.
Let’s begin with the first error: framing agreeableness and empathy as tools of patriarchal control. This is not only historically inaccurate — it is philosophically hollow.
Agreeableness is not feminine oppression. It is human virtue. Cooperation, humility, and care for others are the very qualities that hold families together, build communities, and sustain civilizations. The author rightly notes that societies require empathy and cooperation — but then contradicts herself by labeling these same virtues as poisonous when expressed in women.
The problem here is not empathy — the problem is imbalance. The solution is not to abandon kindness or to glorify being “offensive” as a form of empowerment. The solution is maturity — the wisdom to know when to yield and when to stand firm, when to care for others and when to assert yourself.
This is not patriarchy — this is adulthood.
The second error is the notion that women are uniquely socialized to disappear into the preferences of men — that cooking a meal someone likes or adopting your partner’s hobbies is a form of submission or “slavery.” This is a profound misunderstanding of love.
Love, by definition, seeks the good of the other. Men do this for women as well — often invisibly. They attend events they dislike, watch movies they would not choose, carry burdens they would never mention. That is not oppression. That is sacrifice. That is what makes a relationship beautiful.
The author also confuses assertiveness with arrogance. She is amazed that men speak with confidence about small accomplishments or send back food without apology. But this is not a uniquely male trait — it is simply a refusal to apologize for existing. Women have every right — and every ability — to do the same without abandoning their empathy or becoming combative.
The real enemy here is not patriarchy. The real enemy is insecurity — the universal human fear of being unloved or unseen. But overcoming insecurity does not require becoming abrasive, selfish, or offensive. It requires internal strength, quiet confidence, and an identity rooted in something deeper than social approval.
Ironically, the author has fallen into the very trap she claims to resist: allowing her worth to be dictated by others — in this case, by rebelling against them. But true freedom is not found in reaction. True freedom is found in rootedness — in becoming a whole person who serves and loves freely, not out of fear, but out of choice.
Assertiveness is not about being offensive. It is about being truthful.
Confidence is not about being loud. It is about being grounded.
Love is not about submission or domination. It is about mutual sacrifice.
And neither patriarchy nor matriarchy will ever produce the kind of human flourishing that comes from humility, courage, and love freely given.
That is the real liberation — and it belongs to every human soul willing to rise above bitterness and fear.
All of this…sadly a lot of women fall for this behaviour, I’ve seen many women refer to their fellow women as b*tches too just for being assertive !
Constantly working on destructing this mindset thank you for putting into words what so many women have a difficult time articulating this was well said.
Thing is a lot of women don't even realize they're trapped in this mentality. We don't realise we're always fine-tuning ourselves to fit society's demands. Censoring our every words and actions so we don't offend anyone. Thank you for sharing this. I needed to hear it
So relatable. How many times have held back my true self, instead I smiled and nodded in a conversation with a man, because I kept telling myself “it’s not worth it”. Sometimes it goes back to a safety thing. Men haven’t always been safe to be myself around. But when do I stop assuming I can’t hold my own?
I haven’t read it yet, but the picture reminds me of a thought I have more and more often: considering the level and intensity of violence men have been putting women through, it’s astounding there aren’t more murders or at least maimings of men by women. I’m not saying “let’s kill men!” But like, women’s day should be a global ceremony rewarding women for keeping their cool for so long.
I’m gonna go read now.
Still a slave, unfortunately,
Judging yourself as submissive or offensive in comparison.
Only when you stop comparing and just be, you are free
reading your second to last paragraph, it reminded me of when i watched a video of men guessing the anatomy of people AFAB when shown a diagram or shown common items and being asked to identify them and while the first 2 responses made me laugh, the longer it went on the more shocked and blatantly disgusted i was that people like this are making choices for our bodies or walking the earth thinking they know it all, and i like to think about this when i'm worried i may be taking too much space up or "stirring up the pot". one man thought the anal canal was a baby...
It’s so sad it’s a mind thing that most of us are taught as kids , over and over until it’s screwed into our heads
YES TO ALL. This was such a powerful read, and you really put words to something I struggle with.
I needed to hear this right now.
I needed to read this!! Thank you. This is the stuff women need to read.
You made me ask myself “Who am I outside of the lens of a yt male centred gaze?” My journey discovering who I am and who I want to be is indeed a fun one
I deleted tiktok and the only thing I miss are your poems. So happy to get a slice of your longer pieces work. How I’ve missed your eloquence and thoughtful observations💘