You Will Never be Beautiful

Why the patriarchy wants us to suffer in the pursuit of it.

Potentially the most sinister part of the multi-billionaire dollar beauty industry is the fact that what they’re selling you is a completely unobtainable fantasy. While they sell beauty like it’s something that can be attained, there is actually no amount of spending and starving that will make you beautiful.

The pursuit of beauty is an ever expanding galaxy. You might lose weight but then you’ll realize that your ribcage is too wide, then you’ll realize you don’t have a thigh gap, then you’ll realize your pores are too big. One of the ways patriarchy keeps us subjugated is by having us chase beauty. The cycle won’t stop because it’s not supposed to.

So many women devote their time, labor and money to beauty, yet at no point is the goal actualized. I’ve listened to elderly women talk about how they’re watching their figure or are trying to dye their hair before the grays show again. I’ve listened to beautiful women talk about how much they hate their bodies. What we’re doing is the exact definition of insanity, repeatedly chasing a goal that won’t come. The absurdity here seems obvious, but why do most of us not see it?

We refuse this reality because this is actually the end goal. Spending your life suffering in the name of beauty is exactly what the patriarchy really wants of us.

Women are trained to be entirely obsessed with their looks. I constantly hear women humble brag about how much effort they’re putting into their appearance. Whether that's through loudly proclaiming that they forgot to eat today or by talking about how early they wake up to do their makeup before leaving the house.

Men have stationed themselves at the top of the social hierarchy, ensuring that their validation is the most valuable thing you can receive. This leads women to obsess over and micromanage their bodies to be able to fit into men’s preferences. Body obsession then serves to work as a litmus test, separating the women who value male validation from those that don’t.

I was the most boy-obsessed when I was 15 and hopelessly anorexic. I was committed to my dream of being the effortlessly pretty girl who turns heads in every room she walks into. I wanted nothing more than to be the kind of girl attractive and wealthy men wanted to date. Whether I dated them or not, I just needed to know that they liked me.

Beyond the physical preferences, men ultimately want a woman that is small and subservient, perfect for being left at home to silently raise kids and provide sex. Being locked in the home is not a good life for anyone. That small and subservient wife is a woman who is always willing to suffer for male satisfaction. This “ideal woman” is a slave. She’ll scrub tiles till she bleeds, haul crying babies, forgo her friends, withstand abuse, forgive infidelity. She’ll do this to keep her man. Being a “good woman” in this system is all about having a high tolerance for misery.

This is why patriarchy's goal with beauty obsession is not for any of us to actually become beautiful but for us to be willing to suffer for it. It is a means to keep us small, anxious and easily controllable. As an insecure and anorexic teenager, I would’ve been any patriarchal man's dream girl. I needed their validation and would’ve done anything to get it.

Aging into womanhood is defined by how well you take up body-obsession. The difference between a little girl and a woman is that the woman is watching her carb intake. Patriarchy needs women worried and insecure in order for it to go on. Forgoing beauty not only frees up your mind to care for what’s actually meaningful, but it also helps you build an intolerance to suffering for male approval.

You’ll never be beautiful because no one, not even the few wealthy men directly profiting from your beauty obsession, actually want you to be beautiful. Not just because they need you to keep spending money but because they also need you to be weak and docile. They stand to gain everything from you punishing your body into submission. So, be ugly and be free.