While I agree the backlash against women in this instance feels overly skewed — with the men conveniently getting a pass — I do think it’s objectively untrue to say there’s no such thing as a homewrecker. There absolutely is. (Both men and women can be homewreckers, but since we’re talking about women here, I’ll stick to that.) Some women genuinely get a thrill from pursuing "taken" men — yes, the men have agency, I’m not excusing them — but that doesn’t mean these women are blameless. I literally saw a woman on TikTok bragging about how she deliberately targets married men just for sport. If it quacks like a homewrecker, it’s a homewrecker.
Also, dating your best friend's ex? So messy. I don't care what the circumstances are — it’s foul.
That said, I do hope she gets out soon. No one deserves to be stuck in that kind of mess.
Yes, if you break up your home to cheat you are wrecking your home. If you go after a married man or woman knowingly You Are a homewrecker. Now homewrecker has misogynistic connotations I agree with that ,however, that does not mean women who pursue married men are blameless.
It does not mean that there is " no such thing as a homewrecker "
your argument only works if we operate under the premise that men care about consent before lusting after women (newsflash: most don’t).
men are not reaching out to the women in the p*rn they’re watching and asking those women for permission before self-pleasuring to the videos. men are not DM’ing near-nude women on social media and asking for permission before saving the videos of these women twerking.
the truth is, that even if there weren’t any women willing to have s*x with the “homewreckers” or “mistresses,” men who do not truly want to commit to their partners will find a way to lust after other women; whether those women are willing to participate is irrelevant to the cheating men in question.
You are conflating lust with action. While it’s true that many men (and people in general) experience attraction and desire without explicit consent from the object of their attraction, acting on those desires is an entirely different matter. Cheating requires mutual participation, and while the primary betrayal comes from the unfaithful partner, the other party—if they knowingly engage with someone in a committed relationship—is still making an ethical choice.Dismissing the role of "homewreckers" or mistresses entirely ignores personal agency. Just because some men will cheat no matter what doesn't mean the people they cheat with bear no responsibility. If someone knowingly engages with a “taken person,” they are complicit in the betrayal, even if the primary fault lies with the unfaithful partner.
(Also, comparing passive consumption of content (like porn or social media posts) to active, real-life betrayal is a false equivalence. Watching porn or admiring someone’s appearance isn’t the same as pursuing an affair. The issue isn’t just desire but deliberate action.)
But that logic is flawed. That's implying men are at the whim of whoever is pursuing them. It's insulting for men to be reduced to these helpless creatures who cannot help but go after the person pursuing them. They can say no to whoever is pursuing them, if they wanted to.
The home cannot be broken by a third party who is just pursuing a married person. They're problematic but they're not at fault for the home being broken.
I skimmed through this (haha sorry) and I do understand where it comes from, but I think it’s safe to say it can be both parties fault. While of course, the woman is not completely to blame, a lot of women get a satisfaction from “taking a girls man”, so I do slightly disagree. But I DO agree that we should as well be blaming men for giving in— I think men should be taking MORE blame than the woman, but the woman does still need to take accountability.
Of course! That’s why I said I think the men should take more responsibility, but at the end of the day, the woman knows what she’s doing so she should be taking accountability/held accountable as well.
in your original post you write ‘i think it’s safe to say it can be both parties at fault’.
she should be held accountable in different regard. blaming the woman even partially, or assigning ‘fault’ to both of them, perpetuates time old misogynistic ideas that women are responsible for regulating men’s behaviour, as if men are helpless and ‘easily seduced’, incapable of making their own choices. not to mention that the idea that some women find satisfaction in ‘taking another girl’s man’ is also arguably a sexist stereotype that assumes women’s actions are driven by competition with each other rather than her own personal autonomy and issues- also why are women constantly having to be the gatekeepers of morality and why do we hold these expectations from them constantly?????? i don’t believe their sins are the same; she’s not innocent in her motives but she is not to blame.
i also believe that the whole ‘she knows what shes doing’ ‘women should ALSO take accountability’ argument is just a way for people inadvertently place some sort of blame onto the woman in these discussions, or shift blame away from men, even unintentionally bc of how deep misogyny permeates society and language; yes, i believe she should seek professional help for these issues alone, since they’re rooted in much different issues. but let’s not pretend that they’re equal sins. we hold men way too low in our expectations.
Of course! Like I said, the man SHOULD be taking more accountability, but IF the woman is fully aware that the man is in a relationship, why shouldnt she be held accountable too? It’s disrespectful to even attempt to “take someones man”. I agree that men are held to low standards and I agree with practically all you said, but I think it really depends on the situation.
accountability for what? for exposing the fact that a man in a relationship is not as committed as his partner believes? if i ever get cheated on, i’m thanking the mistress. i appreciate someone who is willing to reveal the disrespect my partner has for me that i wasn’t able to catch.
there’s no such thing as “taking someone else’s man.” he has free will. he has the choice to say no and block. if he wasn’t going out of his way to hook up with another woman, he’d be watching those women in p*rn and self-pleasuring to them. if he’s not doing that, he’s probably liking videos of near-nude women twerking on his fyp. how much lust are you willing to tolerate?
finally, like the author stated, “when you understand men are fully to blame for their actions, then the concept of a homewrecker ceases to exist.”
While I am just another commenter regurgitating what everyone else is saying: I do really understand what you are getting at and do agree that women and men in these situations are held at incredibly different standards I feel like you are somewhat acting like the women here have no autonomy either - like you criticise people for acting towards the men. At the same time that Le Vaughn cheated on Danielle after she gave birth to their child and while she deals with leukaemia -
one of her best friends also consented to cheating with Danielle's boyfriend after she gave birth to their child and while she deals with leukaemia. They both have equal amounts of autonomy here.
The true homewrecker is the person who is in a relationship and cheats on their partner. Do people who specifically pursue others in relationships exist? Yes, but no matter how relentlessly someone goes after you, unless you want to cheat you won’t do it. Both men and women in relationships have agency and should take accountability for their actions.
I think that women get targeted more because subconsciously we see the man as like a kid who doesn’t know better and can be easily swooped into cheating and we blame the women who “should know better” and “girl code”. I think both should be equals. The girl at some level knows she may be doing something wrong and that may be the excitement for her but the man isn’t some vegetable just standing there they are also well aware of what they are doing. I believe that so long as guys can get away with it it will keep happening bc in their heads they just see maybe a week at most of their gfs being mad before they inevitably go back to their bfs which to them is just a green light to you can do whatever you want and you’ll just be punished for a little bit but you will end up having your cake and eating it too. Granted I may be having this rant from personal experience.
in my opinion, if your home can be wrecked without “evidence”-based deception, then maybe your home was already wrecked, or at the very least, cracked.
While I agree the backlash against women in this instance feels overly skewed — with the men conveniently getting a pass — I do think it’s objectively untrue to say there’s no such thing as a homewrecker. There absolutely is. (Both men and women can be homewreckers, but since we’re talking about women here, I’ll stick to that.) Some women genuinely get a thrill from pursuing "taken" men — yes, the men have agency, I’m not excusing them — but that doesn’t mean these women are blameless. I literally saw a woman on TikTok bragging about how she deliberately targets married men just for sport. If it quacks like a homewrecker, it’s a homewrecker.
Also, dating your best friend's ex? So messy. I don't care what the circumstances are — it’s foul.
That said, I do hope she gets out soon. No one deserves to be stuck in that kind of mess.
So why don’t you call the man a homewrecker? He’s the one who wrecked his home.
I literally said that men can be homewreckers too....👀
Yes but they always are.
Yes, if you break up your home to cheat you are wrecking your home. If you go after a married man or woman knowingly You Are a homewrecker. Now homewrecker has misogynistic connotations I agree with that ,however, that does not mean women who pursue married men are blameless.
It does not mean that there is " no such thing as a homewrecker "
your argument only works if we operate under the premise that men care about consent before lusting after women (newsflash: most don’t).
men are not reaching out to the women in the p*rn they’re watching and asking those women for permission before self-pleasuring to the videos. men are not DM’ing near-nude women on social media and asking for permission before saving the videos of these women twerking.
the truth is, that even if there weren’t any women willing to have s*x with the “homewreckers” or “mistresses,” men who do not truly want to commit to their partners will find a way to lust after other women; whether those women are willing to participate is irrelevant to the cheating men in question.
You are conflating lust with action. While it’s true that many men (and people in general) experience attraction and desire without explicit consent from the object of their attraction, acting on those desires is an entirely different matter. Cheating requires mutual participation, and while the primary betrayal comes from the unfaithful partner, the other party—if they knowingly engage with someone in a committed relationship—is still making an ethical choice.Dismissing the role of "homewreckers" or mistresses entirely ignores personal agency. Just because some men will cheat no matter what doesn't mean the people they cheat with bear no responsibility. If someone knowingly engages with a “taken person,” they are complicit in the betrayal, even if the primary fault lies with the unfaithful partner.
(Also, comparing passive consumption of content (like porn or social media posts) to active, real-life betrayal is a false equivalence. Watching porn or admiring someone’s appearance isn’t the same as pursuing an affair. The issue isn’t just desire but deliberate action.)
No it doesn't
But that logic is flawed. That's implying men are at the whim of whoever is pursuing them. It's insulting for men to be reduced to these helpless creatures who cannot help but go after the person pursuing them. They can say no to whoever is pursuing them, if they wanted to.
The home cannot be broken by a third party who is just pursuing a married person. They're problematic but they're not at fault for the home being broken.
😩...yoh yoh yoh....I don't know if I could make my stance any clearer on this matter just refer to my original comment....
you’re proving the author’s point (lol). why doesn’t the person in a relationship just say no to another person’s advances?
The day we acknowledge that a man who can be so easily taken isn’t a man worth trying to keep we will mentally be free. Let them go
I skimmed through this (haha sorry) and I do understand where it comes from, but I think it’s safe to say it can be both parties fault. While of course, the woman is not completely to blame, a lot of women get a satisfaction from “taking a girls man”, so I do slightly disagree. But I DO agree that we should as well be blaming men for giving in— I think men should be taking MORE blame than the woman, but the woman does still need to take accountability.
But as the writer points out- the man is the one in the relationship, not the other woman.
Why is the responsibility of loyalty placed on the third party?
This would not happen unless the man, the person in the relationship, chooses to entertain it.
Of course! That’s why I said I think the men should take more responsibility, but at the end of the day, the woman knows what she’s doing so she should be taking accountability/held accountable as well.
in your original post you write ‘i think it’s safe to say it can be both parties at fault’.
she should be held accountable in different regard. blaming the woman even partially, or assigning ‘fault’ to both of them, perpetuates time old misogynistic ideas that women are responsible for regulating men’s behaviour, as if men are helpless and ‘easily seduced’, incapable of making their own choices. not to mention that the idea that some women find satisfaction in ‘taking another girl’s man’ is also arguably a sexist stereotype that assumes women’s actions are driven by competition with each other rather than her own personal autonomy and issues- also why are women constantly having to be the gatekeepers of morality and why do we hold these expectations from them constantly?????? i don’t believe their sins are the same; she’s not innocent in her motives but she is not to blame.
i also believe that the whole ‘she knows what shes doing’ ‘women should ALSO take accountability’ argument is just a way for people inadvertently place some sort of blame onto the woman in these discussions, or shift blame away from men, even unintentionally bc of how deep misogyny permeates society and language; yes, i believe she should seek professional help for these issues alone, since they’re rooted in much different issues. but let’s not pretend that they’re equal sins. we hold men way too low in our expectations.
Of course! Like I said, the man SHOULD be taking more accountability, but IF the woman is fully aware that the man is in a relationship, why shouldnt she be held accountable too? It’s disrespectful to even attempt to “take someones man”. I agree that men are held to low standards and I agree with practically all you said, but I think it really depends on the situation.
accountability for what? for exposing the fact that a man in a relationship is not as committed as his partner believes? if i ever get cheated on, i’m thanking the mistress. i appreciate someone who is willing to reveal the disrespect my partner has for me that i wasn’t able to catch.
there’s no such thing as “taking someone else’s man.” he has free will. he has the choice to say no and block. if he wasn’t going out of his way to hook up with another woman, he’d be watching those women in p*rn and self-pleasuring to them. if he’s not doing that, he’s probably liking videos of near-nude women twerking on his fyp. how much lust are you willing to tolerate?
finally, like the author stated, “when you understand men are fully to blame for their actions, then the concept of a homewrecker ceases to exist.”
Read my reply to the other comment please i dont feel like retyping 😭 I kinda worded this one wrong I think
I think a great way to think about it is if a man is already willing to cheat on his partner, than the home is already wrecked.
They’re both wrong. Don’t sleep with taken men. Don’t cheat on your girl. Nah.
While I am just another commenter regurgitating what everyone else is saying: I do really understand what you are getting at and do agree that women and men in these situations are held at incredibly different standards I feel like you are somewhat acting like the women here have no autonomy either - like you criticise people for acting towards the men. At the same time that Le Vaughn cheated on Danielle after she gave birth to their child and while she deals with leukaemia -
one of her best friends also consented to cheating with Danielle's boyfriend after she gave birth to their child and while she deals with leukaemia. They both have equal amounts of autonomy here.
why didn’t le vaughn say “no”?
True, pretty much projection. I hope Danielle channels the energy into leaving. But that may take a lot of time
The true homewrecker is the person who is in a relationship and cheats on their partner. Do people who specifically pursue others in relationships exist? Yes, but no matter how relentlessly someone goes after you, unless you want to cheat you won’t do it. Both men and women in relationships have agency and should take accountability for their actions.
I think that women get targeted more because subconsciously we see the man as like a kid who doesn’t know better and can be easily swooped into cheating and we blame the women who “should know better” and “girl code”. I think both should be equals. The girl at some level knows she may be doing something wrong and that may be the excitement for her but the man isn’t some vegetable just standing there they are also well aware of what they are doing. I believe that so long as guys can get away with it it will keep happening bc in their heads they just see maybe a week at most of their gfs being mad before they inevitably go back to their bfs which to them is just a green light to you can do whatever you want and you’ll just be punished for a little bit but you will end up having your cake and eating it too. Granted I may be having this rant from personal experience.
in my opinion, if your home can be wrecked without “evidence”-based deception, then maybe your home was already wrecked, or at the very least, cracked.