The “pros” of patriarchy

Does women getting into bars for free make the existence of a patriarchy illegitimate? (Hint: of course not.)

You can use the reality of male violence against women, pregnancy discrimination, the misrepresentation of women in healthcare and pornography’s violent impacts on women as proof of a patriarchy and conservatives will still attempt to shut down your entire claim with the simple assertion: How can women be oppressed? They get into nightclubs for free!

The idea that there is any benefit women reap from a patriarchy is a carefully constructed lie. We’re sold the notion that if we play our cards right, misogyny will take care of us. We'll get to marry men who provide and not have to work, we’ll get to be protected in a draft, and, yes, we get into bars for free!

Patriarchy promotes the idea of the “good woman” as a way to conceal its own existence. It plants the belief that you’re not suffering because of patriarchy—you’re suffering because you’re misbehaving. Women who appeal to male desire, erase their personhood in favor of serving a husband and children, and do it all with a smile on their face are considered “good women.” Their loving husbands and comfortable stay-at-home lifestyles are the rewards patriarchy offers them in return.

Patriarchy-defenders never stop to consider why these so-called “benefits” exist in the first place. The bar example is obvious. Bars are businesses, and at the end of day, businesses only care about profit. Bars would not forgo the possibility of making more money by charging women unless they thought letting them in for free would increase their profits.

Whatever is free is the product being sold. Women are let in for free because it entices paying men to go to the bar. They go in the hopes of meeting a woman, buying her a drink and taking her home. We’re not let in because the bar owners think women deserve a fun free night out, we’re let in because we’re the products the male customers are there to purchase.

Believing that there is a benefit to living under a patriarchy only serves to further entrench the reality of female suffering everywhere. Often I see wealthy white women as the example of women who are immune to misogyny. Otherwise intelligent feminists will completely ignore the suffering of white women assuming that because they benefit from white supremacy, and they marry and have children with white men, they can not possibly be victims of misogyny.

Making misogyny exclusive to one type of woman does the patriarchy's dirty work for it. It turns feminism into a purity contest for who is really suffering and who needs to be shunned. We spend so much time arguing amongst ourselves that men get to walk away free.

I can understand the desire to give into the belief that there is a way to be a “good woman.” Understanding the reality of female hatred is exhausting. Anything that frees you from that will be alluring.

The truth is, there is no woman that patriarchy protects. There is no way to assimilate and appease it. There is no escaping its wrath. The fundamental belief that women are inferior to men does not exclude any kind of woman. It’s horrible but it’s true. Purity tests and in-fighting get us nowhere. Sitting with that sickening reality is the only way forward.