See this line right here. “…when the problem is not the fact that he’s in my brain, but the fact that he’s in men’s.” WHEW! That’s the line that made me grab a pillow and smother the man in mine.
“It’s a completely backwards way of thinking. My braless boobs are not enticing to me. They’re just there, doing nothing but being profoundly boring.”This…cause I only become aware of the sexual appeal of some of my body parts from other people to me it was just there
Yes! I agree with Amanda. That last line is terrific.
I know I’ve said this before, but I want to say it again, Paris. You have this knack for distilling complicated dynamics into short, concise sentences that I admire.
As a way of illustrating your point in a much more lengthy way, I want to share a research study. Unfortunately, I can’t remember the citation. I read the study so long ago. For what it’s worth, this is what I remember.
The study was set up so that couples, one male and one female, who didn’t know each other, had a brief conversation. After their conversation, each one was questioned separately to see how they reacted to their partner.
The women tended to say things like, “He was a nice enough guy, but I wouldn’t want to date him or anything.”
Her male partner tended to say things like, “That woman was so hot for me.”
The conclusion was that the males projected their feelings for the women onto the women. If they were attracted to the woman, they interpreted that to mean that she was attracted to them.
The bottom line is that women really can’t win. Men are going to think how they want to think.
Women shouldn’t have to be so careful. At some point women should be allowed to be human. We are capable of being direct.
But you’re right, Paris. We need to understand how men think for our own protection.
This is so kind and thoughtful, thank you so much!! What that study found makes perfect sense. Patriarchy makes it so that women are seen as internally vacant beings that are entirely available to be owned and used at a man’s will. There’s no consideration of female desire. How careful women have to be because of this is so upsetting! You’ve worded this perfectly.
I started staring at myself naked in the mirror and seeing what was making these men horny. I understood it. Then, I released it and realised I can only change me. But changing me is hella hard. I'd rather denial.
****
The last line is so powerful. I'm so happy I read this to the end.
See this line right here. “…when the problem is not the fact that he’s in my brain, but the fact that he’s in men’s.” WHEW! That’s the line that made me grab a pillow and smother the man in mine.
Literally just wish women could just exist!!
“It’s a completely backwards way of thinking. My braless boobs are not enticing to me. They’re just there, doing nothing but being profoundly boring.”This…cause I only become aware of the sexual appeal of some of my body parts from other people to me it was just there
Yes! I agree with Amanda. That last line is terrific.
I know I’ve said this before, but I want to say it again, Paris. You have this knack for distilling complicated dynamics into short, concise sentences that I admire.
As a way of illustrating your point in a much more lengthy way, I want to share a research study. Unfortunately, I can’t remember the citation. I read the study so long ago. For what it’s worth, this is what I remember.
The study was set up so that couples, one male and one female, who didn’t know each other, had a brief conversation. After their conversation, each one was questioned separately to see how they reacted to their partner.
The women tended to say things like, “He was a nice enough guy, but I wouldn’t want to date him or anything.”
Her male partner tended to say things like, “That woman was so hot for me.”
The conclusion was that the males projected their feelings for the women onto the women. If they were attracted to the woman, they interpreted that to mean that she was attracted to them.
The bottom line is that women really can’t win. Men are going to think how they want to think.
Women shouldn’t have to be so careful. At some point women should be allowed to be human. We are capable of being direct.
But you’re right, Paris. We need to understand how men think for our own protection.
This is so kind and thoughtful, thank you so much!! What that study found makes perfect sense. Patriarchy makes it so that women are seen as internally vacant beings that are entirely available to be owned and used at a man’s will. There’s no consideration of female desire. How careful women have to be because of this is so upsetting! You’ve worded this perfectly.
I started staring at myself naked in the mirror and seeing what was making these men horny. I understood it. Then, I released it and realised I can only change me. But changing me is hella hard. I'd rather denial.
****
The last line is so powerful. I'm so happy I read this to the end.
I feel this 100%
Cant fix when not only the problem is in your head, it’s in men’s. I still think there’s value to unlearning internalized patriarchy mindsets.
This resonates deeply - thank you
You capture the experience of so many women so well, I feel this in my core.